Attachment theory in child rearing: Its strengths and weaknesses

A baby comes into the world, cries and finds comfort in the chest. The bondingas the first bodily contact between mother and child is called, is a step towards physical attachment.

The mother can then, at best, recognize the child’s needs based on his behavior and respond to them.

But must she become the hierarchically most important attachment person for her son for the rest of her life and without exception? What about the father or other people around the child?

The method of upbringing according to which the mother tries to respond to all the interests of the child has its origin in the theory of attachment. The theory created by the British psychoanalyst and child psychiatrist John Bowlby it is recognized in a large part of day care centers and is widely disseminated in society.

This concept establishes that the person needs to receive enough love from their attachment figure in childhood, either from the mother or from the father, to have an emotionally healthy development. The attachment person is the one who, for example, assists the child when he falls from the swing or for whom he cries especially when he is separated from her.explains child and adolescent psychiatrist Karl Heinz Brisch, a proponent of attachment theory.

The professor at the Paracelsus University of Medicine in Salzburg, Austria, says that such an approach is usually generated within a year.

According to Brisch, Among the characteristics of an attachment figure, a sensitive character that reacts to the child’s emotions stands out. Spending time together alone is not enough because only someone who cares can comfort a crying child. Only then, she stresses, does the attachment figure act according to the child’s needs.

Is there a universal parenting method?

However, Heidi Keller, a psychologist at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem, finds it difficult to meet this requirement. in his book The myth of attachment theoryKeller questions whether attachment theory can have universal validity in the West.

In your opinion, in many cultures it is not usual for only the mother or father to take care of the child but also relatives, neighbors and siblings play an important role in their upbringing. Contact with other people is especially important to acquire and develop social skills, says the psychologist, who points out that children only benefit from it. Keller says that being constantly available can also trigger burnout for some women because, in the end, the mother is often on her own, often without the father as well.

The psychiatrist Brisch maintains that children prioritize and usually have one or two attachment persons. “Children tend to rank according to who is more sensitive in dealing with them“, Explain. And these people do not necessarily have to be the mother or the father, but can be other people. Attachment has nothing to do with biological affiliation”, emphasizes Brisch. The psychiatrist says that it is not scientifically proven that children are attracted to relatives with a blood relationship.

Keller cites an innovative long-term study conducted by American psychologists Emmi Werner and Ruth Smith, who followed hundreds of children born in 1955 on the island of Kauai for more than 40 years.

One third of the children were at high risk due to difficult family circumstances or poverty, but they nevertheless thrived without behavioral problems. According to the study, the reason was not the bond with the mother or father, but relationships with peers, neighbors, teachers, or even foster parents.

According to Keller, it’s best to set up parenting with resources like available time and number of people in mind. The psychologist believes that a strict orientation to a theory cannot be the panacea for successful parenting.

Taking culture seriously in the parenting process

The phrase “it takes a whole town to educate a child” originates from an African proverb, and carries the message that it takes many people to provide a safe and healthy environment for children, where they can grow and develop and thrive: parents, siblings, extended family, neighbors, teachers, professionals, community leaders, and policy makers. This is jeopardized because communities are fragmented, and individuals increasingly isolated.

Heidi Keller asks to take into account these social changes, that the lives of children and families around the world are different in many ways, as well as communities and ecosystems, material and social resources.

The real life problems that people have to solve are also different, and then there is the diversity of status, privilege, social class, wealth, ethnicity and religion. Communities (and families) are dynamic systems, responding to opportunities and constraints.

So write in the book The cultural nature of attachment (MIT Press, 2017), it is unreasonable to expect that there is only one best way to care for babies and children so they can survive and thrive in their communities.

Attachment theory, he believes, proposes a vision of care for all children throughout the world, under the assumption that they form relationships in the same way and for the same reasons. “Today, attachment is the most influential of the relationship theories in psychology.and sets standards for what constitutes healthy relationships for all people.”

But now anthropologists, cultural psychologists, historians, and scholars in related disciplines are drawing attention to the diversity of childcare experiences, as well as the cultural and ecological processes behind it.

“We agree that the ability to develop social relationships is part of our human heritage, representing the universal need to belong to groups and form meaningful bonds with others. Also in that children develop attachment to people in different relationships with each other. However, Keller insists, children are raised in ways defined by culture and environment, and parenting theories must be flexible and make room for diversity in the realities of children’s lives. “While attachment theory doesn’t take this imperative seriously, its application in the real world is truly worrisome.” (F)