Will Smith confesses that he thought about killing his father after witnessing a brutal beating of his mother as a child

Will Smith releases his memoirs, ‘Will’, to the world. It will do so on November 9 in the United States, and will arrive in Spain on December 1. A story in which the 53-year-old actor opens in channel and recounts some of the darkest family episodes of his life.

In an excerpt from his memoirs advanced by ‘People’ magazine, the actor confesses that even he came to think of killing his father for brutally assaulting his mother when he was just a child: “When I was nine years old, I saw my father hit my mother on the side of the head so hard that she collapsed. I saw her spit blood. That moment in that room, probably more than any other moment in my life, has defined who I am. “

Since then, a need for revenge has led him to criminal thoughts stemming from guilt: “What you have come to understand as ‘Will Smith,’ the alien annihilator, the greatest movie star, is largely a construction, a carefully crafted and perfected character, designed to protect myself. To hide myself from the world. To hide the coward. “

The actor never managed to silence his guilt. That scene left an indelible scar that only the roles on the big screen allowed him to camouflage: “Within everything I’ve done since then, the awards and accolades, the spotlights and the attention, the characters and the laughs, there has been a subtle chain of apologies to my mother for my inaction that day. For not standing up to my father. For being a coward“.

It was precisely this desire for revenge that made him think about ending the life of his father, William Carroll Smith, with whom he did not lose the relationship despite her mother’s separation in 2000.

“My father was violent, but he was also in every game, play and recital. He was an alcoholic, but he was sober in every premiere of each of my films,” says the actor in his memoirs, where he indicates that his father, who died in 2016 from cancer, “listened to every record and visited all studios”: “The same intense perfectionism that terrified his family put food on the table every night of my life.”

In 2016, during the last weeks of his life, anger stemming from his childhood trauma caused the actor to almost materialize the idea that sometimes overwhelmed him to kill his father. “One night, as I was gently leading him out of his room and into the bathroom, a darkness arose within me. The path between the two rooms runs at the top of the stairs. As a child, I always thought to myself that someone day I would, avenge my mother. That when I was old enough, when I was strong enough, when I was no longer a coward, I would kill him. “

“I stopped at the top of the stairs. I could push it down and get away with it easily. As the decades of hurt, anger and resentment subsided, I shook my head and proceeded to take him to the bathroom, “he confesses.

However, he goes on to explain in the excerpt published by ‘People’, when time passed he realized the futility of his idea: “There is nothing you can receive from the material world that generates inner peace or satisfaction,” ditch the actor, who grew up with his parents and three brothers in Philadelphia, United States.