Having a relationship with someone toxic invalidates, dwarfs and destroys”, warns the Spanish psychologist Silvia Congostan expert in relationships and emotional dependency, in the new book that has just been published with tools to empower oneself and get rid of these people, once they are identified.
In an interview with EFE, the author of toxic people explains that they are relationships that appear in any area of life: work, family, friendship and partner (the most frequent) and can end up completely destroying those who suffer from them, both psychologically and physically and emotionally.
The specialist also underlines in this book (Zenith publisher) that it is necessary to distinguish between those who can be toxic for a certain person, but not for another (“we can also be for someone”), from those who have a personality disorder due to have been harmed in childhood.
This fact prevents them be fully aware of how they act, the damage they cause and the emotional and psychological consequences with which those who are by his side have to deal, warns Congost; They are people who will never change because they have irreversible brain damage.
personality disorders
The specialist distinguishes four types of disorders, including antisocial, that of those people who, for the most part, come from dysfunctional families and problematic; their behaviors always exceed the limits and confront them with justice, so they usually end up in jail.
He then talks about psychopaths, very similar to those who suffer from a narcissistic disorder, although they have a total inability to connect with their emotions and express them. In childhood, they are impassive in the face of certain situations, such as animal abuse, and in adulthood “they treat others badly and can even commit a crime without feeling anything.”
In the disorder profile called “personality limit”, describes people who are quite dependent, who are very afraid of being alone, with very marked ups and downs and who “suddenly mount large numbers”. But they do realize their problem and ask for help.
Very different is the attitude of narcissists, who, unlike psychopaths, can show emotions. “If they see that you are going to leave them and they are not interested, they may even cry and say that they are going to ask for help. You see them crawling and you believe them again, but they don’t really connect with your pain or care about hurting you because they are above and consider others to be useless.
According to the expert, there is a profile of victims of narcissists that is quite frequent because they seem more manipulable. They are kind people, willing to please and help.
narcissists “They can’t stand or want to see someone who questions or dismantles them” your opinions.
toxic family
If that abuser “It’s your father or your mother, breaking the relationship is not going to be an option”, recognizes Congost, who recommends “opt for compassion”. Bet on trying to understand that that person does not do it to harm or treat badly and to take into account “what he must have lived to have such a bitter and destructive character.”
ensures that “That helps it not hurt so much”and suggests that it is the children who assume the responsibility to distance themselves, “set limits, recover power, take care of themselves and protect themselves” because parents with this disorder are not going to change.
More narcissists among men
With narcissistic personality disorders, there are more men identified than women, while the percentage is similar if we talk about generators of toxic relationships.
But they are the ones who most resort to consultation with a specialist, despite the fact that there are more and more men. Congost believes that it is due to cultural and educational background, “although it seems like a cliché”, and the “macho culture from which we come” continues to weigh.
In this sense, he is grateful that many publicly known people (celebrities, singers, etc.) share their therapy experience and the good results on social networks because it helps to normalize it so that “it does not look like something mentally ill, as was previously thought ”.
Lastly, he acknowledges that anxiety or depression disorders are the order of the day due to the very anguish generated by current life, given the need to “arrive, grow, stand out, be someone”. (I)
Source: Eluniverso
Paul is a talented author and journalist with a passion for entertainment and general news. He currently works as a writer at the 247 News Agency, where he has established herself as a respected voice in the industry.
