How does the mind of a scammer work? Lessons from The Tinder Swindler Podcast and a Local Specialist

He doesn’t steal money from you, you give it to him. He doesn’t have to look for something to threaten either, because you’ve already told him your whole story. Three chapters of podcast You can’t make this upavailable in Spotify (in English), immerse themselves in the mind of simon leievnow better known as The Tinder scammer after the premiere of the successful Netflix documentary.

But while the audiovisual production focuses on Leviev’s victims, three women who, after a fleeting relationship with him, turned out to be swindled out of large sums of money (up to 6 digits), the podcast intends to take an in-depth look at the so-called ‘Simon theatre’ and what motivated him to put on such grand romantic performances with countless strangers just to raise the money he needs to support his lifestyle.

However, the creators of the documentary are emphatic in stating that their intention was never to make him popular or that this investigation would serve as a platform for him to gain an audience, although he is already trying to use it in his favor.

“They have to understand that Simon is charismatic, he’s someone you want to spend time with every day, he makes you feel special and then he stabs you and leaves you.”, he says in the podcast who was Simon’s contract driver on his occasional visits to London, although he did not know that he was a swindler, but thought that he was “a rich boy, son of a millionaire, who just wanted to enjoy life”.

When can too much charm be dangerous? psychologist Carrie Danesconsulted by the producers, believes that in this case, the stages of the relationship were designed to exploit the emotions of the women involved and, to achieve this, Leviev used the so-called ‘love bombing’ the same type of dynamic that according to Danes is observed in abusive relationships. “And when emotions come into the picture, all logical thinking goes out the window,” he maintains. “Certain studies show that People going through the early stages of falling in love show the classic brain patterns of people with obsessive-compulsive problems.”

The scheduled absences of Simon were also part of his manipulation strategy. “The more scarce something is, the more you want it,” says the specialist. “So the less you see someone, ironically the more emotionally involved you are and it still feels like a relationship because you’re getting messages all the time like a barrage that takes over each other’s thought processes while causing them to become infatuated with him.”

Thus, once he has his victims in a deep emotional state (and imagining a great future by his side), he begins to leave them ‘honest’ clues about his troubled life so that they are the ones who, motivated by the love they feel for him. , decide that you will willingly and unconditionally support him to get through this difficult time. something that in the podcast comes to be compared to a fairy tale ending: he loves me so once we get over this we will be happily ever after because our relationship will be stronger. “And once you’ve made that commitment to someone, it’s even harder to go back.”

But is it possible that at some point Simon did feel love for his victims? According to Danes, definitely not. “When you use a fake name, how real could that relationship be? And if you can’t tell someone who you really are and what you do and be accepted, how can that be love? So he intentionally puts himself in a situation where he can never know if someone loves him for being him, because he doesn’t show it.”

Who is the scammer looking for?

Fraudsters make a study of their potential victims, it is the reflection of the Dr. Glenda Pinto, clinical psychologist. “They are not common thieves, they are people who have worked with profiles for a long time and they spend checking social networks to detect possible targets”.

A very common trait in this last group is not that they are stupid or naive –the psychologist advises against ridiculing or making fun of the victims- but they are noble people, with a good heart, with an immature approach to life that they take as positive. “Everything is fine, nothing is going to happen.”

People who feel they are experts in managing networks also fall, and that is why they have a excessive self-confidence and they accept friend requests with ease, they publish everything they do and where they are and what they have, trips, contacts, likes and celebrations.

“That which seems so innocent to us, puts us in the crosshairs of unscrupulous people who try to take advantage of what we show economically and sentimentally,” says Pinto.

Another trait that scammers look for is a high respect for authority, and easy to be impressed by names, titles and positions, especially for military or banking profiles. And finally, they track people who are inclined to be reciprocal and to look good with others.

It is also a disadvantage to appear stressed or in a hurry to meet someone, believing that you have little time. That stress causes certain details to be overlooked in the face of an offer of friendship from someone who seems to have integrity, with good intentions and great virtues who, coincidentally, is going through a financial crisis.

Is it possible to fall more than once in scam?

Often the person who has been deceived has not realized their own vulnerability. She hides behind the fact that she is good and has the right to be happy to deny what has happened and classify it as a bad experience that will not happen again. She thus puts herself at risk that another scammer, who has studied her profile and knows that she is susceptible, will choose her as her new victim.

Warning signs:

• A immediate and extraordinary attachment from someone who just met us. “Someone may like you, but if they’ve never seen you in person, there’s something weird about it.”
• A profile too adjusted to what you are looking for. They are successful, have great fortune, without a partner, little family, easy to travel (but with a full time job). “They adapt to the victim, to present themselves as the perfect candidate.”
• Despite his demanding job, they are always connected and ready to chat at the time you need.
• disclosure of personal information and secrets he’s ‘never told anyone’that make you feel that you are exceptional.
• Immediate promises of fidelity, of a future together and pressure to enter into a serious but confidential love commitment, even for family.
• Constant requests for information, location, photos. When the latter are intimate, they can give rise to sextortion. “Through the photos, they could pressure for money in exchange for not publishing them and denigrating her,” explains Dr. Pinto. “I have had young patients with panic attacks because they were extorted for these criminals. It is a criminal network.”
• When there is a direct request for money (despite appearing as a solvent person) it is usually for emergencies, hospital bills, gambling debt, customs fees and tickets. are preferred money orders and gift cards.

The problem with being so trusting

A dose of trust in the other is necessary for life in society, but some points of view suggest that rational people should not give it to strangers, people they have never seen before and may not see in the future. person.

A review of six studies, published in 2014 by the Journal of Social and Personality Psychology suggests that people overly trust strangers, ignoring their own internal warning signals in the face of such risk. Why? The authors then wrote that many people believe that one must show respect for the character of the other, attributing integrity and goodwill to them (even if deep down they have doubts).

In other words, people think it is a social duty to trust others, although in the process they experience guilt and anxiety. The person is only released from this imperative when there is no longer any reason to show respect for the other’s character, usually when his facade of honorability publicly falls.

The psychologist Pinto expresses that It is not a question of belittling the victims, their emotions or the romance that arises virtually, “because it is the way we have to communicate these days.” Nor is it a matter for ridicule, because in some cases there have been fake marriages, with altered documentation, which have left many not only without their money, but also without self-esteem, peace and security.

If you sense that your friend or family member might be falling for a scam, avoid reprimanding them with phrases that attack their intelligence, such as “don’t be fooled” or “what a fool you are.” They will only make you withdraw into yourself and deny the signs.

Be more empathetic and lend yourself to listen. “Please tell me what is happening, tell me how you feel, maybe I can help you.” If you find that you have been the victim of a virtual trap, Find out about the procedure to block bank accounts, report or denounceand present options so that together they can recover, at least in part, some of what was lost.

“The person is struggling with himself, to give up his illusion and accept that everything he has lived has been a deception,” says Pinto. It will be a bitter pill for her to accept that her way of seeing life makes her vulnerable, and that she needs to change the way she relates.

Tips to verify that it is a sincere friendship or a fraud:

1. Stop contacting each other for a while, see how the other reacts.
2. Talk to someone you trust to see another point of view.
3. Do a search for the credentials of your virtual contact. Where he works? Can you get references?
4. It is also possible to search for photos, to find out if it is an image theft.
5. If you find deception in any of this, contact the authorities in charge of cybercrime.
6. The next time you meet someone online (well, this should not be demonized), try to see yourself as soon as possible. “Love is a matter of skin; don’t let time pass.” (F)