Three signs you’re in a ‘toxic’ relationship

Are you one of those people who are wounded by life? It is one of the questions with which the psychologist begins and coach Jeffrey Bernstein. By ‘wounds’ he means people who feel dissatisfied, or worse, emotionally abandoned or abused in their most intimate relationships.

Bernstein defines three essential aspects for those who recognize that they are in an unhealthy relationship:

• The negative impact it has had on mental health.
• The need to put on the table the great problems of the relationship.
• Assess the full impact and consider options, including exiting the relationship.

Some helpful questions:

• Does your relationship feel close and intimate or has it ceased to be?
• Do you still enjoy it or does it no longer bring you joy, even though you still love your partner?
• Do you feel misunderstood, you and your needs?
• Do you find that you frequently annoy each other?
• Can’t they stop arguing over irrelevant issues?
• doBegins to feel discomfort at the thought of seeing the otherinstead of getting excited like in the past?

Here are what Bernstein considers to be the three biggest signs of so-called ‘toxic’ relationships.

• Passive-aggressive behavior. You perceive that something is wrong, but when you ask, they answer: “Nothing happens, everything is fine, I’m good”. But then they punish him by freezing him or leaving him silent. “With a passive-aggressive partner, conflicts can’t be identified, discussed, and managed,” says Bernstein. He is often accompanied by manipulation to make you believe that you are imagining things, exaggerating the situation, or making up problems. If you suggest seeking counseling or therapy, they will turn you down because there is nothing to talk about.
• Criticism and complaints. These signs may appear in the form of jokes in bad taste, in which the couple makes fun of the appearance, habits or interests of the other. These comments, disguised as humor or not, can appear in public, leaving you feeling inferior.
• Permanent negative energy. In healthy relationships, both people feel good and relaxed most of the time. Is it not so with you? When the relationship is not complete, there are ‘good times’, which become increasingly difficult to findAnd they don’t last very long. Any promising sign of a change ends in disappointment. If he’s constantly feeling drained and powerless in your relationship, in a kind of emotional bankruptcy, it’s time to think about dating, says Bernstein.

The first recommendation is to be honest with yourself. If your relationship is unhealthy, and your partner doesn’t want to work with you to restore it, then it may be time to step back. Recognize persistent signs of aggression and not give up until you see a change It will give you strength to come out of something negative.

“Yes, I have seen many couples who throw in the towel too soon. And at the same time, prolonging the agony of a toxic situation will have destructive effects on both of you involved. As soon as possible, see a couples counselor before making any permanent decisions”. Even if he decides to leave, says the psychologist, it is important to learn what his contribution was to the relationship that has fallen apart, so that don’t fall into a similar situation next time. (F)