How to help children cope with the death of their pet

How to explain to an innocent and sensitive being, such as a child, that their pet will no longer purr, play, bark or snuggle with them. How to prevent them from feeling pain, how to teach them to cope with what happened and help them understand the cycle of life. They are difficult questions with complicated answers, because saying goodbye is never easy.

How to bring the news of a death to a child and comfort him

When it comes to children, adults do not feel prepared to touch on traumatic or painful topics, such as death. What do you say? How do you say? When do you say?

The moment a minor’s beloved pet dies, the child unconsciously goes through a process called duel where an emotional response is experienced to a loss, be it a close person, a family member or a pet. Being their first experience linked to a death, the child probably does not understand the concept of dying, especially at a very young age. According to Melissa Dumas, an Ecuadorian child psychologist, even if the moment is difficult, it is best to act bluntly.

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The duel will manifest itself in different stages, depending on age, level of understanding, personological characteristics. For this reason, it is essential to identify the bond that the child and the animal shared before addressing these issues and giving meaning to what happened.

In these cases, the parents or caregivers of the children have an important role in the face of possible loss (in case the animal is elderly or ill) or irreparable loss, explains the specialist. It is necessary that there are no ornaments for the situation, nor that the adult chooses to invent stories alien to reality. “The parents or caregivers of the minor should break down the concept of death and what it entails not to see that being again,” explains Dumas.

However, he cautions that do not be frivolous about the situation. The interlocutor cannot lose empathy with the child, taking into consideration the age of the minor and the context in which he or she operates; not to hide reality, but to facilitate understanding, but under no circumstances omit what happened.

From her experience, the psychologist recommends that parents help their children identify the emotions they are going through. “Children will feel sad, confused, angry, or perplexed; let them say it”. This, he assures, will help them not only to express their emotions, but also to validate them.

Farewell rituals, such as a funeral or a few words about their passage through the world, will help validate the infant’s emotions and reinforce the meaning of the pet in the family. So, if the religious and social context allows it, doing a ritual would be an ideal way to cope with the loss.

Remembering is part of the grieving and healing process. This can be as simple as encouraging him to share memories or mentioning the name of the person who died so that the child knows that talking about and remembering that person is not prohibited. It is also important not to change the photos of the house or rooms for a while.

Overprotective parents, in an attempt to avoid pain for their children, could cause irreversible damage if, instead of allowing the child to show their emotions, they try to supplant the loss with a new acquisition: a new pet. “The grieving process must be lived; It is not advisable to try to avoid pain or replace it with another animal as an emotional distraction, ”says Dumas.

In the case of euthanasia for the animal, it is necessary that the decision be discussed with the minor and also explain that, under the circumstances, the injection will alleviate the suffering of the animal. According to an article published in The New York TimesLike adults, children tend to accept the death of their pet more easily when expected.

Finally, the psychologist with experience in children insists that the grief in minors must have a support network, whether family or school, in addition to a mandatory therapeutic intervention, in order to achieve emotional well-being and carry this process in a healthy way so important. (I)