These are the ‘secrets’ to a happy marriage

When it seems that you have found the ideal person, you decide to share your entire life with her. However, not everything is rosy and sometimes things can get difficult. Is there a magic potion or rule book to keep a marriage from ending?

We tell you some “secrets” that you should know to achieve harmony in your new home:

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Each person is a world: it is true. But when there is coexistence, it is necessary for the parties to agree on decision-making and the way of life that they will share. Therefore, the communication will be part of this “recipe” to avoid chaos.

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According to the Mexican portal Wedding, communication is paramount and involves much more than having conversations about their concerns, dislikes, thoughts, goals, needs, etc. In other words, it is not just “talking” about a specific topic, but about empathy towards the feelings of the other: “What he says is because he feels it and it is valid”.

In this regard, the Mexican psychologist and author of the book the price of love Lucy Serrano explains that there are myths about dialogue and that, although it is necessary, not always the most important thing in a marriage. “That’s a popular misconception,” she says. “Communication is neither the problem of your problems nor the solution to them.”

Among the advice that the specialist gives to new couples is the reception. If the other party is not “willing to listen”, they will not understand or internalize what you mean. “Don’t come out with the phrase ‘We have to talk’, because it is assumed that reproaches will come and the discussion will turn into a fight, but opt ​​for phrases that involve the other, such as ‘Let’s exchange opinions’”.

This brings us to the second point: the moment to speak. When the dialogue starts, there should be clarity. According to Serrano, when the first part begins to express itself, it must be done with a clear, concise speech and avoiding drama at all.

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If we start with speeches that look like attacks, he explains, the other person will feel bad. “There is no need to demand or reproach, since the result of this will be that your partner becomes defensive and what will be generated will be chaos.”

Regarding women, the specialist warns about the focus of the speech. “don’t cause pity. Avoid litanies with phrases that put you in the role of a victim. Shift the focus,” she says, advising to leave one question open for when the other person’s turn to speak begins: “What do you think? What do you think”.

“When we suffer in a relationship, we believe that the only solution is for the other to admit their mistakes and change their way of being. Avoid loving self-deception, ”she adds.

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The I respect peeks between these tips. The parties must keep their composure and validate the opinions of the other, avoiding harsh and hurtful gestures and words.

• If the situation is entering an angry level, move away.
• No insults.
• Avoid grievances and comparisons with other couples.
• He does not fight on trips or at bedtime.
• Generally, people act as if our anger gives us a license to say what we want, and that is destructive.

When the environment is untenable, therapy together with a professional is necessary, even if the decision to end the marriage is mutual, since going through a divorce must be done in a calm environment. “When there are relationship problems, many people receive three pieces of advice that don’t work and are harmful. On the contrary, there are much better and more useful alternatives. The therapy will help to make better decisions”, concludes Serrano.