Social networks allow us to contact any person or company that has an account. We find a new restaurant, a supply supplier, a professional in the area we are looking for, relatives, friends and also people we no longer see: people from the past.
If you paused after the last line to think about the last time you did an “inspection” on someone’s profile, just to see how well they’re doing now that you’re no longer speaking, know that you’re no exception. After all, it’s easy to fall for that game. But you have to examine the consequences.
First, remember the reason why your relationship with that person does not continue anymore. Second, keep in mind that while some applications of social media they are silent, others do leave traces. The stories of Instagram and the states of WhatsApp, for example, allow the user to know who was looking at them. If you prefer to avoid exposure, you know when to stop.
This leads to another point: can you imagine how it will make the other person feel when they realize you are looking at their posts? Not one or two that appear spontaneously in the timelinebut a close inspection of your history.
When it comes to ending relationships, social networks become a delicate area, especially when what happened was a breakup in which one or both did not leave in peace with the other. The problem begins with a quick glance and continues with a spiral of memories, but also of discoveries. He looks happy. He went on a trip. He is dating someone new.
According to clinical psychologist Lars Madsen of The MindShift Foundation, a third of people in a relationship admit that they often check their current partner’s account. And the same number admitted that he spends time with an ex, at least once a week. And while most see it as harmless, Madsen explains that making this a practice obstructs the natural process of getting over a relationshipand is associated with negative feelings and low self-esteem.
Why do you need to know how the ex is doing?
When a relationship ends, it’s natural for one of you to feel rejected, especially if someone else was involved. The one who “stays” feels angry, sad, and wonders what he did wrong and what he could have done so that the other did not leave. The idea is get out of that phase of pain through healthy grief. Following the other in his new stage prevents that exit.
It is important to make a break, embrace that space in which a relationship is regretted but also released. This does not mean just crying, but break all contact with the ex to give yourself time to heal. Elizabeth Venzin, founder and director of The MindShift, and an advocate for preventative mental health, says looking at each other’s happy photos online doesn’t do anyone any good who’s still hurting. She talks about six ways to quit tracking once and for all.
- Delete your profile. Delete it. Either he’ll end up tempted to go back there, or he’ll run into you when he’s innocently checking his nets.
- Stay busy. Surround yourself with friends, go to the gym, set goals that you put off and that will make you feel good.
- Find a replacement habit. People who quit smoking often look for a substitute: for some it’s knitting, for others it’s chewing gum. That logic applies to all bad habits. Instead of lying down hugging the phone, do something that takes you away from it.
- When you’re ready, get ready to go out again. Meet other people, get introduced to someone. You don’t have to be boyfriend or girlfriend with them, but get used to the idea of talking to someone and going out and having fun.
- If unfollowing or ending the friendship is not enough, because mutual friends exist, block. Almost all networks have tools for that.
- And if all that fails, take a vacation from personal networking. Nothing will happen. It is not work, it is not a real relationship with family or friends. Go out, win and come back with a renewed mindset.
Take responsibility for using social media
Sometimes, by chance, you will cross paths with an ex-partner again and you will have to say hello and offer a courtesy “how are you”, or with a little luck and personal work you may ask with genuine interest in the well-being of the other. That’s innocent and possible, says sex therapist Laurie Watson, host of the podcast ForeplayRadioin which he deals with issues of intimacy and healthy sexuality.
Nevertheless, seeing the last year of someone’s life on Facebook or Instagram is intentional, it’s an active search. It is to create a perpetual atmosphere of meeting alumni or former co-workers or ex-boyfriends. It is not recommended, especially when the other and you already have someone else.
There is a phenomenon caused by the passage of time, adds Watson. People tend to lose their memory and erase each other’s flaws. And for some reason those who already have a new boyfriend or spouse think that it is time to complain about the current partner. After all, what harm could there be in opening his heart to someone he was intimate with 5, 10, 15 or 20 years ago?
It’s tempting, Watson admits, but cites psychologist and author Nancy Kalish, who discusses the consequences and responsibilities, two words that almost nobody wants to associate with the happy and colorful world of social networks. (But there are). “Facebook is not the cause of marriages ending. Facebook doesn’t book hotel rooms.”
Networks are not the problem. Not even the alumni reunions. Not even the company’s year-end party. The deceptions begin in the discontent of the heart. But as Watson says, “Common sense tells us not to stand in front of a moving train.” (F)
Source: Eluniverso
Paul is a talented author and journalist with a passion for entertainment and general news. He currently works as a writer at the 247 News Agency, where he has established herself as a respected voice in the industry.
