“A Polish woman on a sex vacation is a different Pole: no complexes, free in contacts and in bed”

Apparently, on a beach in the Dominican Republic or Kenya, no one is surprised to see older white women in the embrace of dark-skinned young men. What does such a woman expect? Is he okay with paying for services?

Now it does not look like it at all, because the coronavirus has taken possession of the world and love too. However, to get an idea of ​​what it really looked like a few weeks ago, it is worth watching the movie “Paradise: Love” by Urlich Seidel. In the film, we follow the summer romance of a 50-year-old Austrian woman on vacation in Kenya. And by the way, we get to know the world of services for money. There it is perfectly shown what female sex tourism looks like.

Young men from Kenya, Egypt and the Dominican Republic know very well how to meet the expectations of these women – because they want to be picked up and adored, it is not about sex alone. Often the acquaintance begins with a joint trip to a romantic beach – they ride a scooter, then sunbathe, eat mangoes, talk. These are simple conversations, but with nice words. These gentlemen, often around 20-30. years of age, they can take better care of a woman than the men with whom they deal in their country – their husbands, partners, admirers.

“Paradise: Love” by Ulrich Seidel

But they do it for the money.

Yes, but they can play the game in such a way that it doesn’t look like a trade because the woman pays them herself. Or they ask for money at the very end, a bit casually.

So first women seduce, then sightseeing, beach, drinks, finally sex, and finally payment?

Yes, often these young men do not want money in hand, they ask to be left on the table, they are delicate and discreet.

Does male sex tourism look completely different?

The men go to other regions – to Asia, for example, to Thailand, but also to Odessa and Kiev to Ukraine. They arrange sex, i.e. first they determine the price and scope of the service, pay and expect specific service. And the opposite is true for women – it is a summer adventure. A romantic narrative, just like in the cinema, only pays after the screening.

Where do women go?

It used to be Italy, Greece, Egypt, Tunisia. Now the leaders are Spain, Zanzibar, Kenya and the Dominican Republic. Although when I was recently in Central America for a long time, on the beaches of Panama I noticed many walking and migrating couples with a large age difference. They were usually made up of handsome Colombians with women from Europe and North America. I had similar experiences on the other side of the hemisphere, in Mauritius. There, young Indians seduced mature European women.

And so these European, Polish women go away, spend time with young men who meet their various needs and return home as if nothing had happened?

A Polish woman on vacation is a completely different Polish woman! She has no complexes, she does not cover her body, she is free in contacts and sex. It does not have all this cultural baggage and limitations – what is appropriate and what is not appropriate for it.

Because nobody sees her?

Because her countrymen cannot see her and nobody judges her. The Pole is a representative of the national cultural norm that a woman must be withdrawn, shy, shy, avoiding prudishness and debauchery.

Do women go on such holidays knowing that they will pay for this fairy tale or are they planning it?

It can be different. Most often, women think: “when I go and there will be some adventure, it’s fun, if it’s not, it’s hard”. They don’t go with the mindset that they’ll be having sex for money.

So they do not assume that they will pay?

No, but they take more money (laughs). Rather, it looks like they are getting into what these young men are offering them on the spot. Sometimes it is disguised as a tearful story about a poor family or a sick sister needing support. Sometimes they accept gifts, go shopping for which they pay. And when women buy their lover’s shoes, they don’t consider it sponsorship. He is poorer, that’s what they fund him.

Besides, women in this arrangement feel that they increase the sum of happiness in this world. That they helped someone, saved someone from poverty and a worse lifestyle. When paying for a poor family, a woman does not feel that it is prostitution. Besides, she is willing to give more. And meeting and sex have no commercial aspect. Women are convinced that this is some kind of philanthropy (laughs).

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What about after the holidays? Do Polish women go abroad for sex or are they looking for services in Poland?

One solution is to hire a sex worker. However, in Poland these services are usually not at the level that most women would expect. Therefore, those who can afford it go to the so-called sexual city break [krótki wyjazd do innego miasta – przyp. red.] to Europe – e.g. to Amsterdam. It happens less often in Poland, but it also happens.

I know the story of a woman who, disappointed in her relationship with her cheating husband, began to pretend that she was going on a business trip. She rented a room in a Warsaw hotel with a panoramic view of the city and an attractive escort. First they went out to dinner, then for a drink, then there was foreplay, cuddling, gentle sex, then rougher sex. Everything happened according to her script. The men she hired had previously received an e-mail with instructions on what to do, what she liked or disliked. It functioned like a well-oiled machine.

Women are more careful?

Yes, for sure. There are rules, there is a label. Often you pay by bank transfer, through a financial intermediary system, so that there is no uncomfortable situation. Apart from that, you can choose the partner as if from the catalog – it is described, besides what dimensions it has, what it is interested in, what languages ​​it speaks.

Who goes on such holidays? Only older, wealthy, single women or younger also use sex tourism?

From my observations it can be really different. I think with 70 percent of women who go sex tourism, you would never have thought that this particular person is buying sex.

But on these beaches we see rather elderly and wealthy ladies.

Yes, although they do not always have to have a lot of money – in Egypt, for example, it is cheaper. Besides, for these men, acquaintance with a white European woman may one day result in some kind of travel, getting a job. Sometimes women don’t pay, they just make gifts. And that’s all.

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So sometimes it is an exchange of goods and services rather than buying sex?

Exactly. Barter – these guys enjoy having sex with women and they get their fairy tale. Sometimes, after the holidays, they become friends on Facebook and this holiday acquaintance turns into a friendship relationship.

Recently, one patient told me that, to his surprise, many North African Arabs liked him when his new partner posted a post. He did not guess that these were her trophies from previous journeys. He was convinced that a lot had changed in Facebook’s algorithms (laughs).

Coming back to the movie “Paradise: Love” – ​​we look at aging, unattractive women and their poor admirers who will do and say for money what they want to hear – and it is a rather sad sight.

But why? Where’s the sadness here? Both people get what they want.

The sad thing is that women have to pay for a little bit of a relationship that they don’t have in life. And that these young men must de facto prostitute themselves in order to earn their livelihood, and sometimes their own livelihood. Don’t these women have such thoughts?

Not. Women enjoying their vacation on vacation don’t see it that way. Most of them are convinced that this is OK. For many, it is certainly much better than marital prostitution, when you have to sleep with a husband you no longer love and do not respect, but who brings money home, earns more. Or having sex with a guy he met at a bar – he puts a drink and wants sex. It is more humiliating for them than meeting younger men in an atmosphere of seduction and romanticism. These relationships are more subjective.

Don’t they think these young boys are playing it with them? Do they say what they want to hear, do what they expect from them?

Yes and no. Lots of young men love MILFs [ang. Mom I’d Like to Fuck, czyli “mamuśka, którą chciałbym przelecieć”], i.e. women in their forties or fifty who have imperfect shapes, skin imperfections, and more abundant bodies. For them it is great that they are real women and not ideals produced by the cosmetic and surgical industry. These men like MILFs and cougars so much that they look for them themselves.

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How did you say? Cougar?

Yes, these are usually women in their forties, openly seeking sex, going out with younger guys. For a man, a night with such an experienced and willing woman is a dream come true. Why? Because they are usually bored with their husbands or divorced and fast. They are more promiscuous, experienced, protected contraceptives, they know their needs, so sex is dynamic, full of desire and passion. Are these men suffering? Probably not.

Well, yes, but you could actually call it an exchange of goods: I want sex, you want sex – sure, and paying for male companionship is something else.

But many of these men combine business with pleasure. Both parties are satisfied, she has a fairy tale, a holiday or weekend adventure, and he has a successful sex with a mature woman and gifts or money.

Therefore, these men don’t have to pretend and play because it’s based on lust, not calculation alone. As a sexologist, I must say that these people do not suffer at all. Neither do they force themselves to sex. One of the clients – a woman in her fifties, divorced, divorced – started to arrange sex with 30-year-olds through Tinder. And you know what? She had no trouble finding a lover. For the weekend, she made an appointment with three, on Saturday with one, on Sunday with two men for a triangle.

Paradise: Love promotional materials

What does online sex tourism look like? Can you also virtually find an escort, a lover?

Many women who use sex tourism use Tinder when going on a business trip and provide company for evenings, sightseeing and dinner during their trip.

But it is not payable?

Usually no, sometimes a woman will pay for dinner, for example. The dating apps also have escort profiles and you can use their services while on a business trip.

So no one is taking advantage of anyone, there are no victims of this arrangement?

For people who want to explore the topic, I recommend the newly published book about paid sex by Magda Mieśnik, entitled “Prostitutes. Secrets of paid love”.

Coming back to your question. Usually, there are no casualties in such an arrangement. Unless there is a fraud or a psychopath. But usually, from the perspective of women, it is simply an interesting adventure, and also safe.

Andrzej Gryżewski – sexologist, cognitive-behavioral psychotherapist (CBT), psychologist, certified sex educator. The author of the best-selling “The Art of Penis Handling”, the books “Like a guy with a guy, talks about sexuality and gay relationships”, “Macho, manual” and a new one written with Katarzyna Miller – “To be a couple and not to go crazy”. Founder

Joanna Germak. After 20 years in the media, she decided to work in a completely different industry. She does not miss content, but she lacks journalism, which is why she collaborates as an author of texts and interviews. Professionally, he likes to do things that make sense.