You can take a lot, just for what. Read an excerpt from the book “I have hope”

Katarzyna Czajka-Kominiarczuk “I hope”, WAB Publishing House – excerpt:

Almost all of us have experienced such a situation in our lives. You are chased by a student or professional term, you have a family affair, you have some minor health problems, and as if that were not enough, the weather outside is terrible. In addition, you also need to clean, iron, vacuum and make ten thousand steps. Not to mention going to the gym, reading a book or watching a series, because it is appropriate to be up to date. You already have enough of everything, but when you want to complain or even ask for help, the thought pops up in your head: “No, I can do it!” “I don’t have to ask for help yet, I’ll be fine.” We convince ourselves that we can handle everything. And guess what? This is often the case. The only question is – at what cost.

Man is able to endure a lot. Mentally and physically, we are much more resilient than we think. The human ability to survive is one of those things that continues to surprise scientists: doctors, psychologists, and even historians. However, I do not mean extreme situations, where the human ability to survive surprises us even years later. I am talking about ordinary, everyday life, in which we very often push the limits of our comfort more and more often deny ourselves what we need or what we deserve. Even when we feel that we are leading a perfectly pleasant life, we often find that we are, in fact, constantly testing ourselves.

When we throw ourselves into work, we can forget about food, go to bed later and later, promise ourselves that we will get up at six in the morning just to wash the floors. We can barely see, but we iron the shirt, at the same time chasing the cat away who always wants to hunt an iron. We listen to the boss who would like to give us one more order, the mother who shakes her nose during the meeting, because we came in an unpressed blouse, the media that assure us that we have to do something every day for only fifteen minutes (exercise, massage the body, breathe calmly, meditate, etc.). And as if that was not enough, friends around them constantly finish some courses or training. If we add to it the obligations arising from motherhood or fatherhood, then suddenly we will find ourselves in the midst of constant requirements, tasks and obligations imposed on us. And we’ll still do it. Man is an amazing being in this respect.

All these reflections came to my mind when I was talking to my friend. She talked about the situation she found herself in. COVID-19 locked her home with her husband and young child. In a small apartment, two people tried to work remotely and embrace the bored little boy. As if that were not enough, there was a scientific work hanging over it, which – as we know – does not take into account many twists and turns of life as small as the world pandemic. I asked her then why she wouldn’t pack her whole family and go to her parents. They lived in a big beautiful house and they loved their grandson above all else. Sure – you don’t always have to blame your family on your family, but in times of a pandemic, we’ve all had a bit more tolerance for relatives who want to wait out our plague. She replied just like many people: “No, I can do it again.”

This “I can do it” is this extremely capacious statement to which we throw all our discomfort. Sometimes we “manage” for so long that we completely forget that it was not supposed to be this way. Life should not be about “giving advice.” It is about constantly proving to the world that we can handle it all by ourselves. we are no longer on a dangerous path. One that leads to overwork, loneliness and a life in which we constantly chase something, but we don’t have a moment to breathe. Why is it so difficult to say “I can’t do it anymore” and look for a solution, which is usually a request for help?

(…)

Asking for help is not the worst thing that can be done. On the contrary, pretending that we are always alone leads to major disasters. Probably everyone knows a situation from work when a new employee is afraid to ask for tips or a hint, and then it turns out that everything turned out wrong. Had the request been made sooner, there would have been no problem. We also know it from our own lives, when we finally reach the wall and everything falls apart spectacularly, because although we can give advice for a long time, sooner or later we always reach the limit of our possibilities. Half of the stories of successful people who managed everything by working several hours a day, does not end great at all. It turns out that without a moment of breath it is not only easy to make a mistake, but also not to notice that we are not doing so well. Maybe we care about how we present ourselves to the world, but we don’t necessarily care about ourselves. It’s easy to forget along the way that constant stress and fatigue aren’t things you can just ignore. Sometimes, before we have time to ask for someone to help us, our body rebels. And then he usually does it all the way, showing that you don’t necessarily have to work in the quarries to take on overwhelming labor. Anyway, here we also meet with how the culture shows us fatigue, often worn like an order on the chest. People like to brag about how long they haven’t slept, how many coffees they have drunk, how much they “can’t see with their eyes”. A bit suggesting that the lack of rest is not something that should worry us, but something that we should take proud of.

There are quite a few people around us who not only can help us, but also want to. Meet, sit with the child, help move something in the apartment or even take a look at our work and say if everything is okay. If, when asking for help, we remember the principle of reciprocity (I will help you, you will help me someday), then eventually our life may turn out to be much safer. Because other people are first and foremost a safety net, in which we are also one of the spots. It is no coincidence that people gather in groups and do not live completely alone. Nature itself tells us that the herd is safer than the individual. And although today you can easily manage on your own, it is not worth not using this help network. We literally function in society to support each other and to reach out for help from others. Asking for support is not a sign of weakness, but an essential part of living together.