In the book “Tenderness”, Dr. Soph will allow us to get to know ourselves in detail and equip us with a set of tools covering proven therapeutic techniques. He provides a factual explanation of where the greatest problems of modern people come from – fear of evaluation, rejection, getting involved in toxic relationships, sabotaging one’s own actions and achievements. It shows what is holding us back and prevents us from spreading our wings, helps us recognize harmful patterns of behavior and negative habits that keep us from moving forward, and advises what we can do to develop our potential and enjoy life to the fullest.
Dr. Sophie Mort https://www.instagram.com/_drsoph/
Read an excerpt from the book “Czułość”:
3. Ads, media, social media
You’re good enough
I had a patient who knew the marketing and cosmetics industries inside out. From a distance of a kilometer, she could see the processed photo, took part in a campaign promoting a positive approach to the body, and on social media she watched a lot of activists talking about loving her appearance. During one of the therapy sessions, she confided to me: “I really think that all people and all bodies are lovable and worthy, but when I look in the mirror and see that I have gained weight, my heart squeezes and I feel ashamed. I feel bad about my appearance AND because it makes me feel like a cheat, someone who pretends all bodies are equal but doesn’t believe it. “
My patient was not a cheat. It’s no wonder she couldn’t cope. Until the message stigmatizing the folds of fat or age that we get in all kinds of media disappears, it will be difficult for us to shake off the feeling that we should be perfect.
Many magazines and newspapers continue to publish articles pointing out to celebrities that they got “caught” without makeup or “made” hair or have wrinkles, a double chin or cellulite. And in still others, the thicker ones are seriously stigmatized.
These articles are not only a form of bullying, but also a clear warning of what we will have to face if we dare to be human and to act contrary to the rules governing how to achieve the ideal of beauty of our time. They are the modern equivalent of a impaled head – a warning that communicates to us that if we dare to stray from the imposed (impossible) standards, we will be punished.
Research shows that stigmatizing celebrities for their weight in the media leads to a significant increase in attitudes stigmatizing overweight people. And that people aren’t always aware that they actually think “fat is bad.” If I were to ask you, for example, “Is fat bad for you?” Absolutely not. People of all sizes are valuable and good. ”But at the same time, you could show that you unknowingly agree with this statement by automatically assuming that thin people are more likely to be good, or for a given situation by choosing someone thinner rather than fatter for a given situation.
This is an important observation. This means that even if we strongly criticize the media discourse stigmatizing fat people and feel understandable indignation in response to it, we nevertheless internalize the message hidden in it: “fat is bad”, “fat is to be ashamed of”.
Dr. Soph on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/_drsoph/
When we receive new information that is accompanied by strong emotions such as shame, the effect is almost as if it has been retained in our memory with the furiously red label “CHOOSE ME”, making it the first information our brain will reach for when it tries to explain the world to itself or what it sees. Therefore, even if you do not think that you have internalized the fear of obesity, it is likely that it lurks somewhere in your subconscious. You will recognize it when, like my patient, when you gain weight, you feel the shame that has taken out of nowhere, or when you see someone put on weight and suddenly you unexpectedly judge them about it.
This is why you can observe a million activists advocating a positive or neutral approach to the body, acne, age or sex, or another million other activists, believe everything they say, feel empowered and ready to recognize that you are worth exactly that who you are and then look in the mirror or at yourself and your behavior and still panic that you are not good enough.
If the above observation sounds close to you, keep watching the activists. Pay attention to your thoughts by recording them and letting them drift away after they occur, and remembering ones that were never yours but came from the media. Be compassionate with yourself, and remember that these conditional beliefs instilled in you will slowly fade away.
¹ A. Ravary, M.W. Baldwin, J.A. Bartz, Shaping the Body Politic: Mass Media Fat-Shaming Affects Implicit Anti-Fat Attitudes, „Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin” 2019, (45)11, s. 1580–1589.
The cover of the book ‘Tenderness’ by Sophie Mort Wielka Litera Publishing House
Excerpt from the book “Czułość” by Sophie Mort, Wielka Litera Publishing House 2022.
Source: Gazeta
Tristin is an accomplished author and journalist, known for his in-depth and engaging writing on sports. He currently works as a writer at 247 News Agency, where he has established himself as a respected voice in the sports industry.
