Psychologists advise paying attention to your body language and tone when conveying a message, but not overdoing it. While these aspects are certainly important for this type of conversation, focusing on them can cause you to start reciting certain phrases like a poem from memory. According to experts, there are a few very popular phrases that we should avoid at all costs in such situations.
Need to give someone bad news? Never use these phrases
The first such example is the phrase “It could be worse”. It may seem to us that this phrase will help the recipient see the positives of the situation they find themselves in, but according to psychologist Ray W. Christner, in most cases it works in a belittling way, i.e. it belittles the person’s experiences and invalidates their personal feelings.
The next example is: “Everything happens for a reason”. We should also avoid this statement. Why? It suggests that what happened must always have some justification. And this is not true, because many things are simply beyond our control. According to Ray W. Christner, giving someone bad news is hard enough on its own. Therefore, giving it additional “meaning” as if it were a consequence of something “bigger” is completely inappropriate, senseless and can additionally irritate or hurt.
“It’ll be over in a blink of an eye” – is another sentence in the group of unwanted phrases. According to clinical psychologist Aura De Los Santos, such a statement not only suggests a lack of empathy, but also distorts the context, meaning and importance of the message being conveyed. The expert, quoted by Lifehacker.com.au, advises: “Try to be direct and tell it like it is.” It’s not about being rude, but about expressing yourself clearly so that the recipient can respond with the right emotions.”
Probably no one who was worried about bad news was helped by the following sentence: “I know exactly how you feel.” Each of us experiences different things. They are unique and leave a completely different mark on the psyche of each of us. We often use this phrase to “normalize” someone’s experiences, but that’s not the way to go. “But at least…”. This is also a bad idea. This statement works similarly to “it could have been worse.”
Giving someone bad news is not a pleasant experience/Illustration photo Shutterstock/fizkes
And finally, the cherry on the cake: “You should be happy that…” Like the previous phrases, this statement includes an evaluation of the message and the situation, leaving no room for the recipient to identify and define their own feelings. This is the opinion of Hannah Yang, a psychologist who runs a psychotherapy practice for women and couples in Chicago, quoted by Lifehacker.com.au.
How to deliver bad news?
Experts have some advice on how to deliver these negative, often very difficult messages to someone. Of course, there is no set pattern that will make a person not care about the situation they find themselves in. However, you can apply a few rules that will allow you to get through a difficult conversation.
- Don’t rush during the conversation. Although you may be tempted to end the conversation as soon as possible, haste is a very bad advisor in this case. It is even better to be silent for a moment and think about what words exactly you want to use – advises Ray W. Christner.
- Use compassionate language. The idea is to show empathy, support, and openness to all emotions of the recipient. According to psychologists, this can help to stay calm in moments of tension and stress.
- Stick to the facts. Focus on conveying the facts of the situation. Experts advise not to add anything “personal” until the other person has responded to the message. As Hannah Yang advises, we should first familiarize ourselves with how the other person understands the message.
TIP! Ray W. Christner advises replacing the above phrases with an example sentence: “I’m sure this is difficult, but I’m here to support you anyway.” This suggests that we are not judging our conversation partner in any way, that we are open to their emotions and ready to lend a helping hand.
Source: Gazeta
Bruce is a talented author and journalist with a passion for entertainment . He currently works as a writer at the 247 News Agency, where he has established himself as a respected voice in the industry.
