She tried unsuccessfully to earn her mother’s affection. After years, he has to take care of her [FRAGMENT]

Natasha always wanted to be loved at all costs. She needed love like air, food and sleep. So she did everything to deserve her mother’s affection. When she was eleven years old, she decided to give her mother a special gift. She saved all her pocket money for him. She gave up ice cream and sweets, and put every penny into the piggy bank to surprise her on Cecylia’s birthday. She wanted to give her mother perfume. They were supposed to be unique, with a scent associated with love. She thought about it for a long time. What does love smell like? She asked some of her friends about it. One of them said something stupid because her love was associated with yeast cakes, and no mother would want to smell like yeast dough! Another girl was a bit smarter because she was interested in perfumes. She even showed Natasha her collection of youthful fragrances that her parents gave her. They were beautiful. They seemed luxurious, although their scent quickly dissipated from the skin.

– Which one do you think smells like love? – she asked then.

– This… – Without thinking, the girl handed Natasha a narrow bottle with a purple ball. – It is sweet, contains vanilla, jasmine and rose…

– How do you know?

– I’m so brilliant! – my friend laughed, but then added: – I read it in the description. I don’t feel each one so clearly. Roses are given to someone you love, right? – she asked rhetorically. – So this scent must be the scent of love. Moreover, these are the most durable – she said, as if reading her friend’s thoughts. – They smell all day long.

– One day? – Natasha sighed. She wanted the perfume to last forever. Then she wondered for a long time whether endless love was possible. Unconditional, strong, limitless and unique… Although she quickly deleted the last adjective from her thoughts. She wasn’t that naive. She could have been second, right behind the already deceased Julka.

Natasha brought the bottle to her nose, closed her eyes and sniffed. She tried to isolate individual notes, but she couldn’t. All she felt was a pleasant sweetness. She imagined that this was what she was looking for – the smell of love between a mother for her daughter and a daughter for her mother. So she saved her pocket money for rose perfume, which would become a birthday gift and enchant her childhood world. She collected almost fifty zlotys! When she put the money in her wallet and went to the market, she felt like a rich woman. She bought her dream bottle in a pink box. The eau de toilette smelled of real roses. Natasha almost ran home with joy. She couldn’t wait to surprise her mother.

However, Cecilia’s reaction surprised her. She expected an outburst of tenderness, happiness, maybe even tears of emotion, but she was met with… disappointment. Milewska took the gift, unpacked the box and sprinkled perfume on her wrist.

Maybe she even wanted to smile at Natasha, but instead a grimace appeared on her face, which was difficult to clearly associate with a specific emotion. Perhaps the top note contained a bit of joy, the heart note a heavy dose of disappointment, and the base note a dose of dissatisfaction. The whole thing didn’t seem pleasant to the girl. She struggled not to cry.

– Oh my God! – Cecilia finally said. – Rose? – She twisted her lips. “I’m allergic to this scent… You have to take it back to the store,” she decided, closing the bottle and stuffing it back into the box. She handed it to Natasha and looked at the flowers from Tadeusz. – Put them in water or they will wilt.

For her mother’s next birthday, Natasza made a card with a big red heart, still having a glimmer of childish hope that it might help her find her mother. A day later, she found her gift in the trash. She didn’t understand her mother’s behavior because she liked giving gifts to others. She always puffed out her chest, smiled broadly, said how much she paid for the gift or how hard it was to get it, and, of course, she always expected gratitude.

Natasha stopped surprising her mother three years before she left home. That’s when she said “stop” to herself for the first time. She wouldn’t be able to be assertive on her own, but she met a wonderful teacher in high school who sent her to talk to the school counselor. This was the beginning of her fight for herself. It was then that she stopped naively seeking her mother’s love. She took off her beggar’s clothes, threw away the staff she was supporting herself with so as not to fall, straightened her back and slowly raised her head. It wasn’t easy, but she managed. Today, however, she listened to her emotions with horror. How easily she returned to her previous role! She stretched out her hand again and begged for a crumb of love. She wanted to be loved…

“Mom, you have to swallow the pill,” she said, waking up from her memories. Cecilia held her hand to her lips and shook her head. She behaved like a small child. – Please.

– I won’t be poisoned.

– It’s for your own good.

– You hate me. I feel.

– What do you feel? – Natasha raised her voice. – What?

Cecylia lowered her hand and looked at the girl with fear. She didn’t understand it. Her ears were ringing, the words were falling apart and losing their meaning.

“I don’t know…” she replied.

– Open your mouth.

Her mother complied and Natasha put a spoon with the crushed medicine into her mouth. Cecilia suddenly grimaced and spat white powder at her daughter.

– Blah! – she screamed. – You want to poison me.

– Damn it! Mom!

– I do not like you. I’m leaving.

“Go away,” Natasha grumbled, wiping her face with a cloth. – Damn it…

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