“Oyster syndrome” (the name “oyster” is also used, meaning a specific attitude after a breakup) may manifest itself in various ways: e.g. intensive dating (mainly this definition is taken into account), setting up accounts on portals dating, meeting people, going to various events and parties, etc.
In a broader sense, oystering may also involve devoting ourselves to certain activities and old acquaintances that we neglected while in a relationship. The “Oyster Syndrome” is a good way to find yourself as a single woman and find answers to questions related to who we are, what we want to do in life and what we really want.
This approach – according to some – can help us get through the stage of mourning after a breakup more quickly and deal with the strong, often painful and difficult emotions that accompany the end of a romantic relationship. The name comes – as you can easily guess – from the English word “oyster”, i.e. oyster. The idea of the “oyster syndrome” is that after completing a given stage – which was love, a relationship – you “open” the world like an oyster, getting the best from its (her) taste. If this is something for you – it’s worth trying.
“Oyster syndrome” is a new trend in dating. What is it?
What’s also refreshing and healing about oystering is that throwing yourself into dating doesn’t have to mean more romantic or short-term relationships. After a long relationship, preparing for every date with the hope that “maybe he’s the one” can quickly make us feel let down and frustrated. And being in the “oyster syndrome” – quite the opposite!
This mindset is that “going out to people” and dating them can simply result in new, inspiring acquaintances, good fun or useful contacts. The point is to open up in every sense of the word – to the world, to yourself, your emotions, etc. We asked several people about it. It turned out that there are people among them who have this approach.
“I didn’t really feel any mourning”
– In all my relationships, I was the one who broke up with guys, so I probably didn’t feel any grief. You can also say that I was open to the world, new acquaintances and opportunities – for example, 31-year-old Agnieszka told us.
Even though breakups were often painful for me, this ‘mortification’ lasted maybe a week. I quickly started dating, but most often not intentionally, it just happened somehow, e.g. someone invited me and I didn’t want to stay at home. Now I am in a happy relationship, and my current partner – soon to be husband! – I met him about a month after the end of my previous relationship
– adds Magda.
Mateusz, on the other hand, has been adopting this attitude for a long time. – It often happened that I quickly fell in love with a person, we spent a lot of time together and it suddenly turned out that it was a total failure. Now I don’t even think about it anymore and I immediately end the relationship and move on. I don’t feel any sadness after that, I actually feel proud of myself for doing that, he says. – Once upon a time, the period after a breakup was very painful for me, I was going through it all very hard. Now I have a “shell” and I can quickly move on to everyday life – he adds.
Beata has a different experience. “The decision to end a several-year relationship cost me a lot. After the breakup, I cleaned my apartment maniacally for a few weeks, I wanted to clear my space and my mind. I quit smoking. I refreshed my ‘dusty’ relationships with friends. And then… I started Tinder. Too quickly? It might seem that way, but I found true love there. We have been together for over 4 years,” she writes.
Oystering. What can it give us?
What are the benefits of oystering? Dating different people and making new friends can help us understand our own desires, needs and teach us how to set boundaries. In addition, reaching out to people and opening up to them can also give us a sense of support and emotional security that we usually need after a breakup. Third, dating will give us self-confidence. After all, practice makes perfect – the more often we have to find our way in a new situation with a new person, the easier and more comfortable it will be in the future.
Like virtually every dating trend and every new phenomenon of this type, oystering also has its disadvantages. This is certainly not a solution for everyone. And certainly many mental health specialists would say that the stage of mourning after a breakup and the independent confrontation with one’s own emotions cannot be skipped. Moreover, this time should simply be adjusted to yourself and your individual needs – if during a difficult period we need solitude, peace, silence and the surroundings of our loved ones, that’s also fine! It is not worth jumping into “oystering” if it is an uncomfortable solution for us.
Experts often compare the period after a breakup to the time of mourning – because we lose “something”, “something” ends irrevocably. In addition, it may be accompanied by physical symptoms, so it is worth taking as much care of yourself as possible during this time. And in a more serious situation – do not hesitate to seek help from a psychologist or psychotherapist. People go through this period very differently, and this is completely normal and understandable.
Oystering is good for everyone? “It will help for a while, but then the pain will come back”
In an interview with the website, the phenomenon of “oystering” is examined by psychologist Anna Salwa-Kazimierska. The expert warns against jumping into new relationships immediately after a breakup. – Starting a new relationship right after a breakup is like taking a painkiller for a toothache. Of course, it will help for a while, but then the pain will come back, the inflammation will only deepen, and we may also feel the side effects of the drug – says the specialist in an interview with journalist Sonia Miniewicz.
Instant pain relief is extremely tempting. The problem is that this relief is short. Emotions related to separation will not disappear anywhere and will find their way to us very quickly. The loss of an important relationship usually triggers difficult feelings related to other important losses and neglects from our past (…)
– says the psychologist.
The “Oyster Syndrome” is not for everyone. What in exchange?
Therefore, it is worth proposing some alternative solutions. Instead of “oystering”, we can give ourselves time to calm down and experience our own emotions, digest them, confront them. Even the “negative” ones (e.g. anger, grief, sadness), if we allow ourselves to experience them, can turn out to be healing and cleansing. Instead of jumping into new acquaintances, we can simply focus on conversations with our loved ones – family, friends or the previously mentioned therapist.
The period after a breakup is also a good time to take care of yourself. After all, you should be the most important person in the world to yourself. For example, take care of your physical health – you can find new, satisfying forms of exercise that will trigger the flow of serotonin. It is also worth taking care of your spiritual peace and mental health. And another good way to use more free time is to concentrate on your plans. Maybe there is something we have wanted to achieve for a long time and this is the best time to start taking action?
Source: Gazeta
Bruce is a talented author and journalist with a passion for entertainment . He currently works as a writer at the 247 News Agency, where he has established himself as a respected voice in the industry.
