What I most often heard from my grandmother was: “it’s not appropriate.” According to her, a woman should be pretty and not speak

No one could lift your spirits like grandma. When our parents made us angry or forbade us to do something, we went to grandma for a kind word and a delicious bun. It turns out, however, that not every word they spoke towards us was actually good. It was from them that we learned the most about what is appropriate and what is not. The main point of reference was what we had between our legs. I asked my interlocutors about the “golden” advice from grandmothers.

“If my grandma found out I was living with a boy, she would burn me at the stake.”

Let’s start a little calmer, with duties. Malwina learned from her grandmother that some things should be kept to yourself, for example… washing. – She always told me to hang them on a line so that the bras, panties and socks hang from the side of the house, and the pants, blouses and towels hang from the outside. So that the neighbors don’t see the underwear. Because it’s a shame. She also said that it was inappropriate to do laundry, and certainly not to hang it on a line, on Sunday, because it was a holy day and what the neighbors would say.

It wasn’t appropriate for me to have a mess in my room either. My brother might have had a mess, but I didn’t. After all, he’s a boy and I’m a girl. This changes everything. True?

– added Malwina.

– Oh, you definitely can’t wash and clean on Sunday, because it’s a holy day – said Iza. – I heard from my grandmother that it is shameful for a woman to get drunk. This is not appropriate at all and is a great shame for the entire city. Moreover, young people should not live together before marriage, or even worse, live together, she added. Ewelina’s grandmother also found it unacceptable to live together with her partner. Gender was also of great importance here: – If my grandmother had found out that I was living with a boy before we got married, she would have burned me at the stake. Me, not him.

What I heard most often from my grandmother was: “It’s not appropriate.” According to her, a woman should be pretty and not speak

– I, on the other hand, heard from my grandmother, when I was approaching thirty and I didn’t have a boyfriend yet, that I should “hurry up” because “my charm will soon fade.” And then what? I will be alone forever and ever, amen, said Justyna.

– I have the same problem – Kinga confided. – I’m approaching thirty, and I don’t have a husband, not to mention children. Because it’s not appropriate, because it’s being an old maid. For her, it’s better to be “with just anyone” than to be alone, because what will people say. Interestingly, my grandmother is a person full of contradictions. In her youth, she smoked secretly, she swore like a cobbler (I know from my mother’s account), but say something “bad” in front of her and say: “Oh my god! Child! That’s not appropriate!” – my interlocutor laughed.

My grandmother couldn’t survive when I got a tattoo. She claimed that it wasn’t appropriate for girls… Once, during a family celebration, she emphasized how pretty I was, “just these tattoos”

– said Kamila.

What I heard most often from my grandmother was: “It’s not appropriate.” According to her, a woman should be pretty, obedient and not speak. It should be invisible, but once someone pays attention to it, the sight should be pleasing to the eye

– Olga heard in turn.

A similar assumption was made by Ewelina’s grandmother, who did not mince her words when it came to raising her granddaughter in accordance with the prevailing (in her eyes) rules: – I couldn’t leave the house with loose hair because “in the war, f*** with the Germans.” “They behaved like that.” That’s what I heard when I was in the third grade of primary school. Besides, my grandmother wanted to comb my hair at all costs, and when, after a funeral, I tied my braid with a blue (not black) elastic band, it was the scandal of the century.

I couldn’t go to the hairdresser either. I was supposed to have hip-length hair so that – note – “I would have something to show off to the organist…”

– added Ewelina.