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Building a lasting relationship with another person is never easy. It always requires work and commitment from both people. Every person is different, and even partners who seem to be a perfect match come into each other’s lives with different experiences and different values passed on by their families. It usually takes time to understand and become accustomed to these differences. Unfortunately, there are words that can make this difficult. Expressed in a burst of emotion, they can cause lasting harm and cause the relationship to slowly fall apart.
Phrases that won’t solve your problems
On the list published by The New York Times, first place is taken ex aequo by sentences starting with “You always” and “You never”. As Kier Gaines, who works with couples in Washington, explained, these terms are often exaggerated and disrespectful towards the partner. They downplay the efforts he makes and show that you are not trying to solve the problem, but are just putting your other half in a losing position. Instead, the expert suggests changing the tone of the conversation and focusing on the problem. For example, I notice that you haven’t been doing … lately, and it worries me. Then, together, you will think about the essence of the problem.
Later, the phrase appears on the list “Yes but…”. Even though you seem to agree with the interlocutor, in a moment you deny his words and become defensive. If you don’t agree with what your partner says. Communicate this clearly. At the same time, make him feel that you do not ignore his feelings and understand his point of view.
Phrases that hurt
Comparisons are also a bad move. Comparing your partner to others like this: “I wish you were like Brad Pitt “, or – even worse – comparing the relationship to the previous relationship: “Things like this didn’t happen in my previous relationship,” they make the other person feel guilty and make jealousy appear.
It’s not okay to deny your partner’s feelings. When words like “you’re exaggerating”, “it’s nothing”, “calm down”, the other person feels misunderstood and unheard. Instead, it is worth asking why specific feelings appear, giving the feeling that we are interested in what is happening and that we give the other person space to express their sadness, anger, fears or joy. Respecting each other’s feelings is the basis of a successful relationship.
Source: Gazeta
Bruce is a talented author and journalist with a passion for entertainment . He currently works as a writer at the 247 News Agency, where he has established himself as a respected voice in the industry.
