She cleans houses in exile. “She clenched her fists, and a long suppressed scream burst from her insides” [FRAGMENT]

Hail

Vogelkopf sat down to his late breakfast just in time for the cats to be fed. He’s been doing that for some time. He was going to prove to Tatiana that he didn’t care when a gray curtain of rain fell from the sky. The temperature had been above thirty-five degrees Celsius for more than a week, and though Johann liked the warm weather, he felt exhausted in the long run. Especially since it was getting extremely stuffy in the antique shop.

He shuddered as it began to rumble violently outside. It rained hail as big as golf balls. He remembered the forecast in the morning paper and calmed down. In fact, they promised. This is the northern front facing…

Tatiana stood in the doorway of her tenement house. In fact, he only guessed that it was her, because through the streams of hail and rain he couldn’t see much. He recognized her by a peculiar palpitation of the heart – these disturbing symptoms appeared only at the sight of her. He reached for the nearest book and tried to concentrate. To no avail: the patter of the rain distracted him, and this method only worked when the woman wasn’t around.

Finally, Vogelkopf couldn’t take it anymore and went outside. Like Tatiana, he froze, sheltered safely in the second-hand shop door. They stood almost facing each other for about six or seven minutes. He wondered: did she recognize him too? Maybe not, because she was looking the other way. She might not have noticed him because, as always, he was dressed in subdued colors, invisible in the rain. He recognized her by the colored patch of clothes she usually wore. His mother would probably say that she dresses like a street vendor. “It’s not true!” Vogelkopf himself was surprised at his opposition to such an opinion. As if to excuse Tatiana, he decided that her style had nothing to do with the fair. .

After those few minutes, the hail turned to heavy rain again and the street literally drowned in water. Johann Vogelkopf was stunned – and what is this Tatiana doing? She threw her hands up, then doubled over and, as far as he could see, for he couldn’t hear anything but the sound of the water, she began to scream.

He jumped up, perhaps because something hurt her, but at the same moment the woman stepped outside and, her arms hanging along her body, stood under the streams of water. He didn’t understand any of it. He just defended her appearance, and here is such behavior! Maybe it’s about her youth? Maybe Tatiana is enjoying the coolness? Sometimes he saw kids running carelessly in the rain.

Finally the rain stopped and the same hot but crisp sun returned. Cars stood up to the undercarriage in water that could not keep up with draining into the sewage system. Here and there, as in front of the entrance to an antique shop, icebergs of hail formed. It was as if there was a winter thaw. Vogelkopf closed the door of the antique shop and also went out into the street.

Tatiana stood facing the retreating wall of water. He looked in the same direction: indeed, there were two beautiful rainbows hanging in the sky, one behind the other. The first, more powerful, covered half the city, the second, like its shadow, barely spanned the ends of the horizon. He approached the woman.

“Oh, you’re also watching the raider.” Incredibly beautiful, right?

He noticed that her eyes were blurry, her hair and face wet, and then that the short sleeves of her dress were tight to her shoulders. She was shivering, probably from the cold. He felt uneasy in the pit of his stomach at the thought of the wet material clinging to her breasts as well. He chose not to check. She might think he was vulgar and vulgar. He only looked at her neck above the collarbones.

“But, you know, we had an accident once where one of my cats was left outside during such a hailstorm, back in the house.”

A red light came on for him. “One of the cats” – does that mean he not only feeds the cats in the yard, but also keeps them in the house? How many? Two, or maybe the whole cattery? he tried not to look.

– … and then I found him under the car, he was sitting there so scared, even when she called, he didn’t come out. And then he had a big, what’s it called, taku on his forehead? she showed her hand.

– G-tumor.

– Yes, tumor. He had such a big tumor, his skin was cut, he must have been hit with such a big ice cream, it hurt a lot. I had to take him to the vet…

It’s a pity he didn’t die, he thought. So she also lets her cats out in the yard, just like Micia’s grandma. It made him sad because he couldn’t imagine sharing a house with someone who lived with even one cat. He didn’t care at all! This woman was completely indifferent to him. What was she even talking about and what did she want from him? Why was she standing here instead of going home right away and changing her wet dress? He was annoyed.

“Y-yeah, then I-I have to go now, b-bye.” Without waiting for an answer, he turned and walked away. He immediately regretted it, because out of the corner of his eye he saw that the sun had just flashed, illuminating her soaked dress. She didn’t seem to be wearing a bra.

– So maybe we would go for a walk in two? she called after him, but he didn’t stop. “Or the three of you with someone?” she added, and he quickened his pace.

With whom? Berezyńska? Monika? Olga? Himself and two women! What if it rained again? How long could he go without glancing at their apparently wet breasts?

Again, he would have to face the question of the limits of male decency.

Heat

It was very hot, even in the evenings. Tatiana had almost no strength, but she forced herself to go under Krak’s mound. She sat in the grass on the city side and watched the sunset. At least there was some breeze here, and the setting sun looked beautiful and gave something to the soul: a little respite and inspiration.

The day before, hail had fallen, which had been brewing since morning. Tania was about to feed the cats, but she didn’t make it. The hot apartment was unbearably stuffy, not only because of the temperature. Everything felt stuffy and cramped these days: work, life, relationships. She nervously yanked the door open and stepped outside. She needed a cool down and – God! How much she longed for silence in her head. She would like to stick her stupid head under this egg-sized hail to be bombarded, injured, flogged. She wanted a severe punishment – maybe God was giving her an opportunity? She forced herself to stop herself: she had to go back to work today. The hail turned to a downpour, which she heard after a while; the steady, calming sound of water from the sky. So maybe God didn’t want to punish her, but offered to wash away her sins? She wanted to go out into the rain, to experience redemption, but her feet were rooted to the concrete. She couldn’t move—because did she deserve forgiveness of her sins?

She stood in the doorway for a long time, unsure if she was allowed in the rain. She missed her old courage so much! Once she reacted spontaneously to the weather, danced in the rain, in the sun, in the wind, absorbed them with her skin and all her senses. She doesn’t remember when she stopped; definitely during the marriage. Ivan always lacked this kind of sensitivity, he laughed at it, thought what he was doing was stupid. But even now, in exile, she did nothing for her inner self, and yet she could, since she lived alone. She used to dance in every warm rain. Now…

She stretched out her hand and felt the pleasant coolness of the water. She withdrew her hand. The wall of the tenement building was still radiating heat. The heat enveloped her, deep inside. How is this possible? How is it that she no longer has the courage to stand in the rain? After all, he really wants to jump into it, no matter if it’s to wash, or to cool off, or to dance like before – and he can’t. What’s stopping her? “Childish,” she heard Grandma Tamara as if she were standing nearby.

Instinctively, she looked at Berezyńska’s windows. A silhouette loomed in the doorway of the second-hand shop, but maybe it was just her imagination. What if Olga was looking at her? She couldn’t stop thinking about her; the woman annoyed her and provoked her with ease and confidence. She was just like herself in the past. Tatiana felt admiration and envy for her light-hearted life, which she watched on Facebook. Who like who, but Olga would certainly not have a problem with getting into the rain. A painful sense of inferiority pierced Tanya – in her place she would have danced without hesitation. Olga was not afraid of anything, she had already offered to go out with her friends from the theater three times, and Tania postponed the meeting three times. She refused and excused herself with work, despite her mad desire to get to know her better. She was a coward even in such a simple thing as getting to know others. That’s probably why she hasn’t recognized herself for a long time – the old Tatiana disappeared somewhere, at some point she stopped being herself.

She was ready from the inside out. She clenched her fists and let out a long suppressed scream. She screamed into the rain, no matter who sent it, God or Satan. Finally she lowered her hands, timidly stepped out into the street, stood in the streams as she wished, but there was no trace of joy in her. She stood and cried.

Water poured on and off her until goosebumps covered her bare arms. She began to shiver from the cold, the coldness dragging her inside. Or did she freeze her insides? When it finally stopped raining, a double rainbow appeared in the sky. The world, she saw, was very beautiful. Even if she was empty inside, there was still room for wonder; no one can take that away from her, not even Ivan. That’s why she decided to go for walks more often. Despite being burned inside, she felt washed out from the outside.

Tatiana and Mr. Wogelkow – cover publisher’s promotional materials