Psychologist Petranovskaya on the reaction to stress: Fighting for your rights is more effective than blaming people for things they cannot influence

Family psychologist Lyudmila Petranovskaya talked about how to assess the level of stress, what reactions can be to such a state, and how to support loved ones.

For self-diagnosis, there is a table of stress levels. The first: “I am calm, confident” – 1-2 points, no stress. Second: “I’m a little nervous” – 3-4 points, moderate stress. Third: “I feel irritated or anxious” – 5-6 points, medium stress. Fourth: “I am very worried, anxiety or irritation becomes the main feeling” – 7-8 points, severe stress. Fifth: “I am completely pissed off, I feel panic, rage or despair. I am physically ill” – 9-10 points, very strong stress.

Petranovskaya cites this gradation in her memo published on her Telegram channel. According to the psychologist, this memo was drawn up at the beginning of the pandemic, but in the current conditions it is also relevant.

Petranovskaya also noted that stress can manifest itself physiologically: increased heart rate, trembling, a feeling of shortness of breath, muscle tension or weakness, thermoregulation disorders, when it “throws” into heat or cold, perception disturbances – a “veil” before the eyes or tinnitus.

“Severe stress occurs in response to a situation that our psyche interprets as a threat to life, health, affection, well-being. There are two main responses to stress: dealing with a threat or avoiding a threat,” notes Petranovskaya.

According to her, in each of these strategies there is a rational part that can help solve the problem, and there is a destructive part that only creates new difficulties. “For example, fighting for your rights, demanding help and attention, defending your interests is effective. Conflict with or without, “scandal”, blaming people for something they cannot influence – can be effective in the short term in achieving a specific goal – get extra help, insist on one’s own, but in a broader context is counterproductive, as it destroys relationships and harms health, ”said the psychologist.

Avoidance also has two sides. For example, leaving a dangerous place, not making a molehill out of a molehill in case of domestic troubles, sometimes being silent or laughing it off in response to harshness, can be effective and reasonable. “At the same time, refusing any contacts, going into complete isolation, seeing a threat in every action, being afraid to “open your mouth”, not asking for help, enduring and being silent where it’s time to protect yourself is ineffective, it leaves a person alone with problems, and, ultimately, is also bad for relationships and health, ”Petranovskaya believes.

If the stress exceeds the adaptive capacity of a person, and he is so exhausted that he can no longer fight or avoid, the fading strategy is activated. “The person looks lethargic, apathetic, he does not complain and does not get angry, but quietly and silently “goes to the bottom”, being unable to even ask for help. At first glance, he does not create such problems in communication as the one who conflicts or avoids, but it can be even more difficult to communicate with him, ”the psychologist believes.

If a person experiences stress, whatever his reaction, the task of loved ones is to support, contain, create a safe environment. This is possible only if the loved ones themselves are calm and in a stable state.

Before rushing to help relatives, the first thing you need to do is take care of yourself, calm down, think warmly about yourself. Next, you should make it clear to a loved one that you sympathize with him and are ready to take care of him. “Only when the contact is established and everyone exhales a little, it is possible to discuss the essence of the matter. Dealing with the feelings of another is possible only if we ourselves are in a stable state and will not become infected with the feelings of a person under stress, ”she said.