Tips for Parents of Babies Who Cry excessively

Pick them up, give them a bottle, change their diaper. Nothing works and the parents are completely exhausted. That also happened to the writer and journalist Andrea Zschocher, mother of three children who cried much more than usual. “As soon as they were awake, they used to cry without pause,” he recalls.

Babies who cry excessively are a challenge for their parents. If a child cries three hours a day three days a week and for a period of at least three weeks, it is called excessive crying.

In fact, this rule only serves as a general guideline. Because more important than the number of hours is the feeling of the parents. Also 70 minutes of continuous crying can strongly affect a family.

Lactose intolerance, reflux, or blockage?

If the baby cries a lot, parents should first clarify with the pediatrician if there is any physical cause. In some cases, for example, a lactose intolerance can be the trigger, or an organic reflux that can lead to heartburn.

“Also blockages in the spine can be a cause,” explains Ruth Wollwerth de Chuquisengo, who works as a psychotherapist in a pediatric care center specializing in this subject in Munich, Germany.

But experts believe that, in general, what causes this excessive crying is a regulatory disorder: toddlers cannot adequately process stimuli such as sounds, lights, or movements. When they are tired, it is difficult for them to fall asleep. They cry and thus only wake up more. A vicious cycle is generated.

After hours of yelling, parents often feel helpless and angry. That’s completely normal, says psychotherapist Susanne Hommel, who deals especially with this problem in her Hamburg practice.

But when you overcome it all, the risk of shaking the baby also increases. “And that cannot happen under any circumstances, because for very young children it can be lethal”, Hommel points out. For this reason, it is advisable to seek help as soon as possible.

With help, babies can be better understood

Pediatricians can make referrals to specialists. There are doctors and psychologists who specialize in children with excessive crying. Experts don’t have a silver bullet for this problem either, but they can help parents better understand their babies.

“In children with a regulatory disorder, it is often difficult to recognize when they are tired and need reassurance”, says Wollwerth from Chuquisengo. She teaches parents strategies so they can help children fall asleep and stay calm during crying phases. “Taking deep breaths, for example, can help,” says the psychologist.

Keeping a journal allows you to recognize patterns

To find new strategies to deal with this stressful daily life, Hommel works with newspapers. Parents note when and for how long the baby cries. “It can be very helpful to see that during the day it is easier to calm him down and that at night it becomes more complicated”, says Hommel.

No one should go through those most difficult moments alone. “Asking for help can save the family suffering”, says Birgit Langer from the Caritas family and education counseling office in Düsseldorf. She also accompanies parents with babies with excessive crying and looks with them for ways they can take a break.

If family or friends can do the shopping or look for the older siblings in the garden, that already provides a certain space that can make things easier.

Light at the end of the tunnel: crying usually ends by the fourth month

Also for Andrea Zschocher, the most important thing was not being alone at that time. “My husband and I took turns,” she says. While one took care of the baby, the other had time for himself or for older siblings. Some friends brought us ready food or sent us flowers. “That saved me for a whole week: just knowing that I was not alone,” he says now when he remembers that moment.

Highlighting the happy moments you have with your baby can also help you get through this stage as well as possible.

And luckily, this excessive crying will end one day. In about two-thirds of children, this problem resolves after the third month of life. Andrea Zschocher has already left that stage behind and decided to write a book with advice for desperate parents. (F)