In order to build a truly harmonious relationship with another person, you first have to work on yourself. For example, it is necessary to get rid of negative attitudes that appeared in childhood, psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky advises.
He emphasized: you do not come across the same type of partners by chance or by the will of the Universe or fate. You yourself continue to persistently choose such people. Because of this, you regularly encounter the same type of problems, and your novels end up in a similar way. Moreover, this happens to both men and women.
Often this is due to the very first not very successful relationship experience. If in your youth you had to go through a lot of trauma due to a painful breakup, infidelity, or abusive relationships, then there is a risk that such a scenario could sit in your head. The good news is that it is possible to change your mindset, but only for this you will have to work on yourself properly. Otherwise, you will continue to live in this sad pattern.
Where do these settings come from? Their roots should be sought in childhood, in what you experienced in the parental family. If a child regularly sees how mother and father swear, constantly sort things out, humiliate or beat each other, he thinks that this is what love looks like.
When such a child, raised in a problem family, becomes an adult, he unconsciously chooses partners who will treat them in the same way that their parents treated each other. Such a person does not understand how it is possible to have tender feelings for those who do not humiliate him, do not mock him.
Healthy and adequate relationships without constant scandals, tantrums and dramas seem to such people too boring, devoid of passion, fake. Also, children from problem children tend to copy the behavior of their parents: allow themselves to yell at a partner, humiliate themselves, use manipulation and even resort to violence.
To solve this problem and stop constantly falling in love with abusers, narcissists and other unsuitable people, you must first break the pattern of co-dependent relationships, reconsider your attitude towards yourself and begin to value your time and nerves, the expert concluded.
Source: Rosbalt
Mario Twitchell is an accomplished author and journalist, known for his insightful and thought-provoking writing on a wide range of topics including general and opinion. He currently works as a writer at 247 news agency, where he has established himself as a respected voice in the industry.
