When the couple does not share the same sleep cycle: it is still possible to share some moments

You fall asleep every time you watch a movie together at night, while the other is still in top shape, but change has a hard time getting out of bed in the morning. The cause of these differences in the ways of sleeping it is in the belonging of each individual to a certain chronotype.

People who like to stay up late at night and usually sleep in more than morning are the calls owls. Who, on the other hand, usually gets up early in the morning and at night too goes to bed early is among the larks. “But this is a very simplified representation. In reality, there is more than just these two chronotypes.s,” says psychologist Katja Beer.

According to sleep researcher Gerhard Klösch, 70-80% of people are “indifferent types”. That means they adjust well and can sometimes go to bed or get up two hours earlier or later, he says.

And then there are also moderate owls and larks, who only go to bed a little earlier or later than the average person, adds the expert. Between 10 and 15% of people have extreme affinity at night or in the morning.

‘My partner falls asleep’

This can cause tensions in a couple. The lark may be angry with his partner because he spends the morning in bed at the weekend and misses breakfast.. And the owl finds it unpleasant to spend the night alone and be awakened by the lark early in the morning, while he is still asleep.

In those cases it would be practical to be able to change the chronotype. But this comes from birth. “We are programmed to be larks or owls,” says Ulrich Sommer, a specialist in sleep medicine.

The day on Earth is 24 hours long, but many people have a shorter or longer day, he explains. Owls, for example, have 25-26 hour days and therefore stay awake longer at night. That can’t be changed much, he points out.

However, according to Klösch, especially indifferent types can stabilize their internal clock in the morning through sports and daylight. It is clear that whoever gets up earlier in the morning must also go to bed on time at night, argues. And he notes that at night I shouldn’t look at screens, because above all Blue light inhibits the production of the sleep hormone, melatonin, which is what makes us feel tired and want to sleep.

Extreme owls and larks, however, can hardly change their biologically established sleep rhythm. So what can be done if one or both partners are dissatisfied with the other’s sleep pattern? “Precisely, when a couple differs greatly in chronotype, attention should be paid to ensuring that there is time for physical closeness, communication and common activities beyond the hours of sleep,” says Beer.

possible agreements

If you miss snuggling together at night, couples can solve it this way, according to Klösch: They can go to bed together. When the lark falls asleep, the owl can get up again and have a more awake time.

In his opinion, one can also try to adapt one to the other: the owl can, for example, go to bed earlier. Sommer supports this solution: “From a sleep medicine point of view, we basically recommend that owls maintain a 24-hour rhythm. and go to bed together with their lark partner”.

If one of the two in the couple needs eight hours of sleep and the other only five, then reciprocal consideration is important, underlines. “Maybe by changing out of the bedroom, quietly brushing their teeth, and sneaking into bed,” Sommer suggests.

In any case, it is important that everyone gets enough sleep, because Lack of sleep usually leads to a bad mood, which in turn has a negative effect on the relationship. For all those who must cope with a different chronotype than their own, there is hope: at some point, the coexistence between owls and larks is simplified.

The chronotype comes from birth, but in the course of life the sleep rhythms change anyway, says Klösch. “The older you get, the more you tend to be a morning affinity person. In a couple in which both are over 45, the probability is higher that they are both moderate types”, explains the sleep researcher. After some time, the couples synchronize their sleep. It happens, according to Klösch, “the older one becomes and the more stable the couple becomes and the longer they spend together.”