Among human values, it is basic I respect, recognize the value of each person. How to instill it in children? They will never understand it if they are treated rudely, humiliated, imposed on and beaten. “Respect cannot be confused with fear or submission. In past generations it was believed that a child was respectful when he did not look his father in the eye and did everything he was ordered to do. But this is not respect,” says Anunziatta Valdez, coordinator of the National Table for Education in Values. “That is simply submission.”
Respect, Valdez details, implies recognizing the tastes of the boy and the girl, communicating with them assertively. “If the child does something that is not correct and is offended by saying ‘you are lazy, you are lazy’, they will not react positively, but if they are asked questions that are not devaluing or conclusive: ‘Why do you act that way? ?’, will undoubtedly open up to understand”.
The pedagogy must be oriented so that the child understands why he acts in a certain way, and for this reason the games at school and at home must allow him to see the reality of boys and girls of all ages, nationalities, socioeconomic conditions and disabilities. , and allow him to express respect to those people who have the same rights as him.
“The work must start from respectful parents and teachers, who use discipline. But discipline is not the blow or the offense. It is to set schedules and rules, and if the boy or girl does not comply with them, ask them why they have not done so, and previously establish what measures will be taken in case they are not complied with”, indicates the lawyer.
There are many styles when educating, but all of them must leave room for parents to recognize their own mistakes, apply assertive measures and, above all, love the child with what Valdez calls “a healthy love”, which respects and offers alternatives. “When he throws a tantrum or becomes difficult, you have to wait for him to calm down and then talk and make him see why and our expectations of his behavior.”
Those expectations include respecting oneself, others, and the environment. “All people are deserving of respect. It is the basis of human coexistence”. It is learned from childhood, but there is not a moment when it ends up being acquired. “It is a life process, which we are faced with on a daily basis. Many jokes or jokes are, deep down, offenses against people with different sexual orientations or different ideological or political positions”, reflects Valdez. “I may not agree with many political, ideological or any other attitudes, but that does not authorize me to humiliate that person or mock or devalue them.”
teach to live together
The concept of respect is quite abstract, and has also been greatly misrepresented, says clinical psychologist Alejandra Vallejo, with a master’s degree in Psychopedagogy and Family Educational Guidance. “We use the ‘I respect you so you respect me’ line. With the option for that to change when someone comes to hurt me, ”she observes.
Children, who are constantly learning, pick up a lot from watching adults. They repeat and normalize our behaviors. Do we skip our turn in line, fight over something we want to have as a toy? That will make it difficult for us to teach them later that no matter how much one wants to achieve something, others were there before and we have to wait. “We have to be coherent with what we are asking and what we are doing, because we can fall into double talk,” breaking the rules “because I’m your dad or I’m your mom.”
How to show respect to the child?
- Listen to what he wants to say, avoiding physical, verbal and psychological violence.
- Give room to decide. You want to achieve a behavior, for example, that the child greets and is polite with his elders, but do you have to do it with a kiss? “We can give you different options so that you learn to opt for the one that suits you best and makes you feel comfortable”, which is not the same as doing whatever you want.
In this way, parents are mediators and guides of the responses and decisions of the children, “because in the end, we are that, we are accompanying them.” Vallejo also believes it is important to teach to set limits, since respect is a social construction that varies between countries and communities, and it is necessary to gradually learn to acquire new consideration for differences and individualities. “That is the richness of the human being and of social and interpersonal relationships.”
Who are they going to imitate?
Children learn by imitation and repetition, and not just verbally. “The important thing is not to say ‘respect others’, but to show how we respect others in family life, at work and in the social sphere,” says psychologist Kathalina Urquizo, specialized in emotional education and positive discipline.
“For example, we cannot ask our children for respect if they see that it says ‘Parking for the disabled’ and we park there, because we live in the culture of Creole liveliness,” adds Urquizo.
All the spaces in which we operate on a day-to-day basis must be managed by example. And then it is necessary to verbalize it, saying: “The place where I have to park is 80 cars away, because this is a space reserved for people who have more difficulty getting around, and it is not my case.” A teaching that does not go through imitation is incongruous, sums up the psychologist.
So, you also respect the turns. “We interrupt children a lot, we don’t value their words, their opinions. When we listen to what they have to tell us, they understand that they can be heard and in the same way they begin to listen to others”.
Traditional education, Urquizo believes, was based on fear of authority, which is not the same as leadership. How to know if children respect us or are afraid?
When the child respects someone, there is a bond, he looks at the other and recognizes his qualities. When the child is afraid, he does what he is told to avoid being yelled at or punished, he focuses on avoiding the punishment, without reflecting on whether he has done the right thing or not.
Fear works in the short term, because it does not teach the child to discern, to make decisions based on analysis, but to act out of fear. “Let’s try to make him understand the reason for what we are asking him for and the effects of his actions, not just the punishment.” Going back to the first example: “Mom doesn’t park there because she gets a ticket” would become “Mom parks far away so that the person in a wheelchair gets to her destination more easily”. This, says Urquizo, will lead the child to reflect that his parents are respectful and supportive human beings. He will recognize those qualities, appreciate them, and imitate them.
In order for self-esteem to form, the child must first develop his self-concept based on what he perceives that others think of him or her. “There we began to realize who we are. And we will respect the figures with the greatest qualities more. In childhood, this is closely linked to parental figures. But that ends faster and faster ”, warns the specialist. “Before, until the age of 12 or 13, parental figures were those basic models, today adolescence is reached faster, and those figures of respect begin to be musical idols and athletes.”
Children and young people today are exposed to models that are not within what parents would expect them to see or be at 9 years of age. “Now everyone wants to be youtubers, because they are the ones who ‘deserve’ respect” (because of their virality or number of followers). The family has a short window to form a child with a good self-concept, healthy self-esteem, and respect for himself and others. How to use that time? (F)
Source: Eluniverso
Paul is a talented author and journalist with a passion for entertainment and general news. He currently works as a writer at the 247 News Agency, where he has established herself as a respected voice in the industry.
