How to protect children from potential dangers and bullies

The biggest fear of most parents is that something will happen to their children. And the biggest challenge is releasing them a little more each year, despite fears. Let them travel more and more paths alone and bear the fact that we no longer always have them in our sights. It is not easy to silence thoughts. You know everything that can happen, you read about it and hear about it on the news every day, and you worry that someone might do something to the creature, take advantage of its curiosity and naivety so that it falls into the trap. And, at the same time, you don’t want to take away just that, basic and fundamental trust, or arouse unnecessary fears. What is the best way then to prepare children for their first independent adventures, the way to school, to a friend’s house, to the square, to the club?

“We have to make children self-confident”, emphasizes Steffen Claus, who has worked for more than 20 years in the field of prevention in the German Police. Although this chief commissioner is now retired, he continues to go to kindergartens and primary schools to practice with children how to behave in dangerous situations. Most bullies come from the environment. The “bad, strange man” children have been warned about for generations “is very rarely the aggressor,” says Claus.

“The true villain is a loving, kind person, who does not apply violence and who plays with childish curiosity,” he says. Figures from police statistics bear this out. According to them, almost two thirds of the affected children have a social relationship with the aggressor or aggressor: they are relatives, friends, the coach, the group coordinator. “Stranger aggressors who, for example, talk to children on the street” are very rare. So Claus doesn’t think it makes much sense to teach kids not to talk or go around strangers. “Because that implies that they can go with someone they know.”

In his courses, he teaches the children the following principles: “I don’t go with anyone, I don’t get into anyone’s car, I don’t go to anyone’s house. My parents must know where I am.” Children are also not required to give information to unknown adults, not even about the way to the subway, much less about their names and where they live, she adds.

Children should be able to say no

There is a short word that is important for this to work in practice. “Children must be able to say no,” Claus stresses. And not only in front of unknown people, “but also when Aunt Frida wants to eat them with kisses.”

Also Doris Krusche considers it decisive to convey to the children that their is not relevant and accepted. She is one of the two directors of an association in Germany that since 2002 has been offering self-affirmation courses for preschool-age children and counseling for parents and teachers. “Parents should teach their children from an early age: you have the right to participate in the conversation, we take you seriously, you can make critical statements in front of other adults and be careful and sure of yourself,” says the educator.

Krusche considers three other principles crucial in prevention work, in addition to the no: “My body belongs to me, I am not guilty, I have the right to ask for help.” For her, it is more important to convey that to children and less how they should behave in specific situations. “Because when the child later has a different experience, he doesn’t have the tools to handle it,” she explains.

Good courses above all strengthen self-confidence

According to those responsible for criminal prevention of the German Police, good self-affirmation courses for children are recognized in that they focus less on specific defense techniques and more on strengthening their self-confidence. Serious course offerings are recognized by the fact that they work with professionals and involve parents. Because making children strong is not something that a single course can achieve. It remains the task of the parents.

Commissioner Claus works mainly with the tales of the Grimm brothers. “The heroes of the stories must permanently resolve conflicts. And they always come out on top,” he points out. In the Little Red Riding Hood story, for example, it can be shown in a child-friendly way which behavior is more cunning and which is not.

It is not smart, for example, to go off the agreed path and allow yourself to be interrogated by the wolf about things that do not concern strangers. And what is cunning? “Running out always protects,” says Claus. “For this reason, I try to convey to children that running away is not cowardly, but intelligent.” And that it is important to talk with parents about experiences that seem strange to them, strange. And it is that prevention is also always a matter of trust between parents and children. “If children feel that their parents trust them and their abilities, if they are encouraged to do things for themselves, then they feel that they are taken seriously and listened to,” says Krusche. And they know that in difficult situations they can turn to their parents. (F)