How to teach children to manage anger through their emotional intelligence

“I never really witnessed pure anger until I became a mother of young children,” she wrote for The New York Times Catherine Pearson. “My kids, who are a little older now, weren’t very prone to tantrums, but when they did, they did: yelling, sobbing, whole body shaking…everything. I was baffled by his outbursts of rage and sometimes worried about what kind of people he was raising.”.

“Many of us have been taught that anger is bad, and that showing that we are angry and expressing our feelings is bad, too,” said Jazmine McCoy, a child and family psychologist and author of the book The Ultimate Tantrum Guide.

Still, anger isn’t bad, McCoy noted; expressing it is also not inherently dangerous or disrespectful. Learning to manage anger is a lifelong skill. that allows children to function at home, at school and in the world without losing control. Furthermore, it is a skill that parents can help foster in their children.

Don’t be afraid of tantrums. When talking about children and anger, it can help to remember very simple facts: First, anger is a basic human emotion; Second, emotions exist to tell us about ourselves and our relationships, explained Dave Anderson, a clinical psychologist and vice president of school and community programs at the Child Mind Institute, a non-profit organization that offers therapy to children and families. Emotions can help us answer basic questions: What would we like to have in abundance? What things would we like to no longer happen?

Remembering that anger is an intrinsic aspect of being human can help you respond to an unruly child’s behavior with compassion rather than judgment. Yelling at a child (who in turn yells at you and the world) will only make the situation worse.

It may also help to remember that tantrums and tantrums are a initiation riteespecially in the case of children under 3 years of age who are still learning to self-regulate.

Teach children the emotional ABC’s

“Name it and tame it” (name it and tame it), a phrase coined by psychologist Dan Siegel, is a much-repeated mantra among child development specialists who believe in the importance of teach children to identify and label their feelings so they can talk about what they are experiencing.

McCoy recommends read simple board books to babies with pictures of other children smiling, laughing, or frowning, which they find “captivating”. The evidence shows that As early as 6 months, babies can begin to identify emotions in other people.

Parents sometimes feel they have to protect their children from their own emotions, but expressing feelings in moments of anger or frustration can be very educational. Describe to your child how you feel. Do your thoughts go a thousand an hour? Does the heart beat at full speed?

“Taking the time to slow down and identify what’s happening to your body (and how to know it’s feeling what it’s feeling) is a very powerful experience,” McCoy said.

Children also need to discover their own ways of self-regulating, and these may be different from yours. Help your child find an outlet (or outlets) for anger may require experimentation. Some children respond with simple deep-breathing exercises, Anderson said. Others may require a more intense physical release.

Children must learn to discern that, Although all emotions are valid (including anger), not all behaviors are.McCoy commented. Therefore, it is important to set clear and consistent boundaries around aggressive or unsafe behaviors.

And if your kids seem to get angry a lot, or have a hard time regulating their reactions, see your pediatrician or mental health provider.

As for the big picture, it’s important to make sure you that your children have plenty of opportunities to talk about their feelings (anger, sadness, excitementall of it) with trusted friends, family members, or a mental health provider.

It’s not always easy to find out that your children are going through a difficult time, but those conversations and connections are essential to validating what they are experiencing and providing emotional release.

“I like to say that the best way to control anger is to feel understoodMcCoy concluded. “Often when we’re angry, we actually feel scared, misunderstood, and disconnected.”

Dad, what do I do if I get angry?

If you don’t know how to start talking to your child, help them by following these tips from Nemours Pediatric Health System:

1. Son, don’t lose control. Taking it out on others doesn’t solve anything. Instead, he acknowledges that you’re angry and tries to figure out why. What can you do your to prevent the situation from happening again? If your little sister gets a toy and you don’t, it’s not okay to break that toy. Maybe you can ask him to share it with you. Or if your science homework is too hard, don’t tear the notebook to pieces; ask your parents or the teacher to help you.

2. It’s good to talk about your anger with an adult.such as your parents, a teacher, or a relative. When you talk about your anger, those negative feelings usually start to go away.

3. Use the rage busters.

• Talk to a trusted friend
• Count to 10
• receive or give a hug
• stomp
• Hit a pillow because the pillow doesn’t hurt
• draw a picture of anger
• Play a video game
• Run around the house five times as fast as you can
• Sing in unison with the music
• remove weeds from the garden
• Thinking about good things (a fun vacation or your favorite sport)
• Take a bike ride or go rollerblading.

It is impossible to never get angry. Rather, remind him that his behavior when he gets angry can make the situation better or worse. Don’t let anger control you. You can take the reins. (F)