JLo and Ben Affleck wedding: When to get back together with an ex and give love a second chance?

They say sequels are never good. But now it seems that, perhaps, they are, after being reborn as the phoenix of most famous couple of celebrities: Benniferwhich integrates Jennifer Lopez Y Ben Affleck. The singer and actor just teamed up on wedding this weekend in Las Vegas.

“I think another time who knows what could have happened ”, reflected JLo when asked why he had postponed your wedding with the actor days before the scheduled date for the ceremony in 2003. Overwhelmed by the media, celebrities hadn’t gotten their happy ending 20 years ago when they called it quits before walking down the aisle. “I think Jen and I made a mistake in falling in love, because we were excited and we were too approachable”, Affleck lamented at that time, although both always made it clear that they had a friendly relationship, that they had a lot of respect and affection.

now that finally They fulfilled the dream of saying “yes, I accept”After twenty years, three marriages, five children, a residency in Las Vegas, more than 18 fragrance releases, some box office flops, and an Academy Award, Bennifer wants to prove in 2022 that love deserves a second chance.

This was the wedding of Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck: Without guests, with a used dress and queuing up in a Las Vegas chapel, they said yes with their 5 children as witnesses

But not everyone agrees. These are the positions of some psychologists and relationship experts on when it is advisable to return to an ex.

First, why did the separation occur?

Clinical psychologist Mala Vohra Khanna believes it is important to first understand the problem that led to the separation. “They must discover the reasons why they distanced themselves from each other. Sometimes there are mental health or boundary issues so things don’t work out,” she said.

Jennifer Lopez reveals why she ended her relationship with Ben Affleck in 2004

“Dating your ex again is not a problem if you have worked on the issues that caused you to break up. Once you are sure what the reasons were and can repair them, there is no harm. Love is not limited by time or anything. Reconciliation is not a bad idea if both of you have worked on all the toxic things that were in your relationship,” she added.

Recognize emotions: Nostalgia does not equal love

If anything emerged in these more than two years of the pandemic, apart from panic and uncertainty, it was nostalgia, especially in the solitude of confinement.

British psychologist Audrey Tang thinks that has allowed us to delve into memories, and with it, the danger of remembering exes with a pink halo. Those to whom she was especially fond, especially if there are unresolved feelings, will surely stand out.

“There is a strong sense of nostalgia with exes, which is why we are so attracted to them,” says the specialist. “It can create feelings of warmth and comfort, even more so because we’ve had difficult years, where we can feel like we haven’t made other great memories, so we look back.”

(Photos) Jennifer Lopez confirms that she got married and changed her last name: “It was the best possible wedding we could have imagined”

Why would you want to get back together with an ex?

Julie Gottman, an American therapist and co-author of several books on marriage, believes that the pandemic has dissolved the fantasy of immortality that people generally live with, and seeing couples like Affleck and Lopez reconnect inspires them to examine their futures. “A lot of people are thinking, it may not have been perfect, but it’s better than being alone and I don’t want to grow old alone. I want to share my life with someone with whom I have some connection.”

Reactivating a bond with a flame from the past can also be linked to feelings of protection, Tang says. Not being able to understand why a relationship broke up, questions left unanswered, or things left unsaid can “trigger the brain’s need for completion.”

Even before the pandemic, therapist Daphne de Marneffe noticed a desire in her clients as they grew older to understand events from a different angle or to make sense of their lives. “In my experience, sometimes people feel like they found true love at an age that was too young to be able to stay with that person,” says Marneffe, also the author of The Rough Patch.

Jennifer Lopez tells ‘Rolling Stone’ she doesn’t see a break with Ben Affleck in her future

How to rekindle a flame from the past

The story of the second chances of Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck, together and married, is something that we can all not only appreciate, but take advantage of as a point of inspiration and optimism for the rest of things in life, considers the psychologist Aimee Daramus.

“Sometimes life gives you the chance to go back to that job you shouldn’t have left or to reconnect with the friend you wish you’d never lost,” says Dr. Daramus. Stories like Lopez and Affleck’s are tangible reminders that, in some cases, it really isn’t too late to reopen a door that may have been closed, but not locked.

That’s why Tang advises that focusing on the fun aspects of your past relationship, while developing a deeper friendship, can set a revived romance on the right path to success.

“There is often a shared understanding, because of the history,” she says. “Without the pressure of a relationship, it’s often the deep friendship that rekindles first, and that’s often a good foundation.”

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck are engaged again, 18 years have passed since their first failed courtship

Getting back with an ex under the right conditions

Seeing a couple reunited can remind people of the path they didn’t take in their lives, or what young love was like, or a lover they regret losing. And of course, in memory, all exes take on an idealized celeb-esque glow, much like Ben and JLo.

“Getting back together with an ex can be a good thing in the right circumstances, and not so much in the wrong circumstances,” Tang adds. “If you’re both in different places, especially if the breakup was situational, it can absolutely work out.”

When there are lingering feelings, this can actually escalate into a “friends with benefits” situation, especially if the level of attachment differs drastically.

The two wedding dresses that JLo wore at her wedding with Ben Affleck in Las Vegas

Better not go back with an ex

Relationship coach Dr. Kamal Khurana wants people to understand one simple thing: Couples fight and break up when they don’t validate each other’s opinions. If they don’t understand and work on it, there will be fights again.

“When we’re dating someone, we’re just not dating. It’s like, you go and share your world with that person. The two of you come as a team to take care of us and that’s how we get ahead. That is fair and that is how it should be, ”she complements.

If it doesn’t happen that way and you still feel like reconnecting with an old flame, therapists and experts have a piece of advice: don’t. “The opportunity to reconnect with ‘the one that got away’ or a ‘soul mate’ has universal fairytale appeal,” says Scott Haltzman, a psychiatrist and medical director at Fuller Hospital in Massachusetts. But the belief that there is the right person for each of us, a Ben for each Jennifer, he clarifies, is a myth.

“My own experience as a marriage educator and my understanding of marriage research have led me to the conclusion that soul mates don’t meet,” he says. “Soulmates are made.”