The Psychology Today portal mentioned The five most frequently made errors that make others allow themselves to cross their borders. Each action causes a reaction and how others behave in relation to you, is the answer to the messages you send. The author of the article, psychotherapist Sharon Martin, emphasizes that the boundaries take various forms and are based on your needs and values. First you need to define them to expect them to respect them.
“For example, If you need eight hours of sleep, set the limit to make sure you get them. If you value time spent alone, set a border that will help you avoid excessive involvement in social activity, “she explained.
Five mistakes that make others not respect your boundaries
Then Martin mentioned the five most frequently made mistakes that weaken authority and make others not respect your boundaries. In the first place in its ranking was that many people, I want to change others instead. “You must not forget that the main goal is to help in satisfying your needs, not to control or change other people,” she noted.
The second popular mistake is setting boundaries under the influence of emotions. “When the boundaries are established under the influence of anger, they are often perceived as an ultimatum or punishment, not thoughtful restrictions. For example, the threat of lodging a lawsuit for divorce or refusal to see children to see a second parent because of frustration, they are not real boundaries – they are attempts to control or punish. Such reactions escalate the conflict and it is unlikely to be conducive to long -term changes” – explains the expert.
It should not be either give up under pressure. Even if not everyone likes your borders, do not allow others to undermine them. If you do not consistently continue with them, you will show that a little pressure is enough to achieve your goals at the expense of you.
On the other hand, there are situations when we will not avoid compromises. “Learning when to be flexible and when you stand hard, it requires practice. Be aware of whether you really go compromise or give way” – Martin noted. And then clarified:” The concession is to surrender or give up one of the parties, while the compromise is giving and taking by both sides. When it is really mutual, the compromise is pleasant or at least productive. ”
At the end of the list appeared Translating your decisions. According to a psychotherapist, when setting boundaries, often less is more. “Some people will analyze your arguments and try to persuade you to change. Instead of explaining, put the matter clearly. It is often enough:” It does not work in my case. ” Do you feel that people respect your boundaries? We invite you to participate in the poll and commenting.
Source: Gazeta
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