– It pays to throw mud at my mother a gynecologist, because it is a clickable topic – this is Nicole Sochacki -Wójcicka’s commentary to the scandal, which broke out after the premiere of the latest episode of Podcast with her participation. The problem is that, although they deal with sexuality, a gynecolor and influencer goes in constant, arguing that she is right because she is a “voice of the people.” As a psychologist and sexologist, I will write with full awareness: in that case it should not be.
“Nicola and Ola” is a podcast run by Nicole Sochacki-Wójcicka, a gynecolor and influencer known on the web as “Mama Gynecologist”, and doctor Aleksandra Marianowska. In previous episodes, it was discussed, among others Topics related to contraception, lack of desire for sex or menstruation. This time Nicola and Ola They decided to take sexuality in a relationship for wallpaper and how it changes after the birth of the child.
Part of the conversation concerned purely medical aspects, e.g. the importance of puerperium or how pregnancy and childbirth change the body of a woman. At some point, the doctors began to talk about it How to get back to intercourse after having a child.
– Because you know, a lot of girls also write that they are tired.
– Of course.
– You know, this is a depravity of sleep. You don’t have the strength for this sex, no. And how to force yourself to this? As if you had it? Did you really have such problems that you were so tired.
– Of course I was tired.
– And you forced yourself? You also had something that you had this for some time: okay, do you have to? Ola Nicola asked.
– I know that sexuality and intercourse for my husband are very important at all. I know his needs, his libido, many years before we had a child. So I knew it was important for our relationship. And as I told you in some other episode, It’s not like I always have sex, but if I want. As if I do it too when he wants and I think: Okay, man, you want, no problem, I am your wife, I love you, he Ahead – Mama Gynecologist explained.
– You called it nicely: maintenance sex (sex aimed at maintaining, maintaining a relationship – ed.).
– Yes, because listen at all, there is something like that, such a concept. It is not that I do not agree.
– I agree that it will be less pleasant, for example.
– I agree that you have your pleasure. And this is the most difficult sex in relationships.
Later, the leaders also wondered how it was possible that they were couples who do not return to intercourse many months after pregnancy.
– A few percent of women, probably 3 percent women, it did not have 18 months after delivery. So you imagine that there are couples who do not return to intercourse at all and when these relationships persist, I really don’t know. I think here …
– I think Unfortunately, this is the sensitive moment when guys start looking … I do not want to say that they are always looking somewhere else, but as if the guy who has these needs and he just has them, they did not disappear like a woman, he just has to empty the testicles somewhere, no.
Mama gynecologist about “forcing” sex. She had to translate densely
When these fragments of the podcast began to be cited in a wider, the storm began. Some people began to claim that my mother gynecologist normalizes rape in a smallness, but many women in the comments wrote that she agrees with everything “and just like life.” In the next recording, the gynecolor herself pointed out that the relationship is the art of compromises and sometimes things are done against her willingness – but that It is completely different than doing them against someone’s will. And such situations, i.e. rape in marriage, are of course something bad.
The whole situation shows how important the language we speak of sexuality is. We have a gynecologist’s intention was most likely to explain the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire. Many women actually do not feel desire that appears spontaneously, without any stimulus; Only under the influence of stimulation (e.g. touch, kisses) do they notice that their desire for sex is growing. Importantly, this kind of desire is also felt by men – although it is easier for them with a spontaneous desire for sex, it happens that only the proximity of their partner, touch or conversation will make them think about having sex. However, it is crucial to give yourself a space in every situation to change the sentence and say “stop”.
What could it look like? If the partners know that there is such a thing as responsive desire, they can arrange that They give themselves space to make a decision and watch how their body reacts to closeness. For example, when one of the parties wants to have sex, and the other is not convinced of this idea, the couple may start with hugging and kisses. It is important, however, to determine that if the desire to get closer does not appear, at any time – without blame, regret or excuses – you can withdraw from this activity.
In the case of couples with longer experience, especially those with children, there is also often talk about sex planning and entering it in a calendar like other joint activities. Not everyone likes it, but In such scenarios, we also based on the phenomenon of responsive desire – For example, we arrange that every Wednesday from 20 to 21 we have an hour for ourselves and maybe then we will have sex. We don’t feel like? Okay, we will see what will happen if we devote some of this time to a conversation, hugging (in clothes or naked), kisses. Maybe it will appear, maybe not – but we help her, giving ourselves space for closeness.
In none of the scenarios I described, however, there is no question of forcing sex – or also about forcing themselves to closeness, if there is such a thing between partners that makes it not want to at the moment (e.g. it is difficult to talk about creating a safe space for intimacy, if we have just argued and one of the parties feels wounded and wants to become alone). Agreeing to intercourse just to please the partner or partner, This is a simple path not only for the development of sexual disorders, but also a deterioration in relationship.
“The guy must empty the testicles”? This is the argument below the belt
“Scare” for women cannot be putting a matter in such a way that men have their needs and must “empty the testicles”. This is the argument below the belt. Also for men whom he only brings to biology. Men’s sexuality is not so simple; Libido or erection disorders appear in younger men, more and more men are also reporting mood problems that also affect their sex life. More is also said about their needs, e.g. closeness, understanding, being heard – the inability to satisfy them in a relationship can be much more severe for men than lack of sex.
Sexuality in a relationship seen through the eyes of Nicola and Ola is full of simplifications. On the one hand, citing the authority of Michalina Wisłocka, they say that masturbation and petting are important for couples who cannot have “classic” sex during pregnancy (and are right!), On the other, they emphasize that “once in some Time “can be said” no “, but they warn you not to expect that the husband/partner” will be able to withstand as much as you ‘without’, because “they have a little different”.
There are no men in this vision who do not feel like sex, because they fall on the nose with a small childor who feel that after delivery they were pushed to the background. There are no women who have greater sexual needs than their partners, or those who force themselves to have sex because they are afraid that the partner will “start looking” and their needs are not important. There is no time for kisses or romantic sexbecause “when you have children, you enjoy every 5-10 minutes together and you don’t think about kisses.”
“Let’s normalize normal happy partner relationships” – a gynecologist, mother, responds to the allegations. I will answer: relationships – and above all people – are different. There is no one model of “normal happy relationship”, but there are many people who need sex education and knowledge For example, about communication in a relationship that they had nowhere to get from anyone. That is why it is so important to talk about different scenarios, examples, to rely on facts, not what we think or what we come across in our surroundings. Otherwise, it may turn out that we will have to explain ourselves from this “normalization”.
Aneta Bańkowska. Journalist Gazeta.pl, previously published her own texts in Wirtualna Polska. Psychologist, sexologist. Since 2017, she is associated with the ITAKA Foundation – a center of searching for missing people, where she works with the families of missing people and people experiencing a mental crisis. Co-author of the e-book “Escapes of teenagers: psychological perspective and search aspects”.
Source: Gazeta
Bruce is a talented author and journalist with a passion for entertainment . He currently works as a writer at the 247 News Agency, where he has established himself as a respected voice in the industry.
