Can small gestures reveal your relationship? According to the “Bird Test”, definitely yes. This thicket trend consists in indicating something seemingly trivial, e.g. Tykorka outside the window and observing the partner’s reaction. Although it sounds like online fun, it has a solid scientific foundation. The concept perfectly fits into the theory of John Gottman, a recognized psychologist and marriage therapist, who has been analyzing for years, which makes the relationships successful and durable. It was his research that clearly showed that signals of interest or lack of them can say a lot about the future of relationships, both romantic and friendly.
When is it known that it’s time to part? A simple test will light a lamp in your head
Dr. John Gottman conducted a pioneering experiment on what makes some relationships bloom while others break down with a big bang. In his laboratory, known as “Love Lab”, he observed interactions between couples, analyzing their daily behavior and ways of communication. One of the most important discoveries of the psychologist was the identification of the so -called “bids for connection”, or subtle attempts to establish emotional contact. These can be small gestures, questions or comments that mean a desire to get closer to your partner. For example, when one person says: “See what a beautiful sunset”, this is just such a signal.
Gottman noticed that the way partners react to such messages is of great importance for the durability of their relationship. You can answer them in three ways:
- paying attention (Turning Towards) – the partner responds with interest, e.g. “a beautiful view”,
- ignoring (Turning Away) – no reaction or indifference,
- Rejection (Turning Against) – A negative reaction, e.g. “don’t bother me now”.
As it turned out, the couples who were in a happy, responded positively to signals in about 86 percent. cases, while those that parted did it only in 33 percent. The results were published in the psychologist’s book, entitled “The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Mariage, Family, and Friendships” and on the website of the Gottman Institute.
Is it worth doing a “bird test”? Do not draw hasty conclusions based on the result
It is the easiest tool that can demonstrate problems in your relationship. Thanks to it you will check whether there is still mutual curiosity and willingness to build bonds. If you often feel that your attempts to make contact are ignored or rejected, it is worth considering whether something is missing in your daily interactions. But beware … One test is not a sentence.
Even if your partner has not jumped with excitement at the sight of the deer outside the window, it does not mean that your relationship is doomed to failure. It is rather an invitation to reflect: how often do you draw attention to yourself and how do you react to your signals? It happens that the other side does not even notice that something has changed in her reactions, and honest conversation can explain everything. That is why it is not worth to immediately assume the worst – treat the “bird test” as an impulse to improve the relationship, not the reason to delete it.
What most often makes you feel close with your partner? We invite you to participate in the poll and commenting.
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Source: Gazeta
Bruce is a talented author and journalist with a passion for entertainment . He currently works as a writer at the 247 News Agency, where he has established himself as a respected voice in the industry.
