She could feel the emotions swirling between them. “The thought that he wants me is very frightening.”

Matt helps me into my shorts and puts me in the driver’s seat, then starts cleaning up. He bustles around the bus, putting away paints and other supplies, cleaning up the remains of our dinner and throwing them in the bin outside. A few minutes later, the interior looks as if we hadn’t been there before. As if nothing had happened.

And what am I supposed to do now?

I bite my lip and try to control the nervousness that makes my feet tap on the bottom of the seat. What do I do now? Do I go back to our movie conversation? Do we keep working on the bus? Do we repeat what happened? Do we do more? I check my phone and it’s barely 11 p.m. Which is weird because it feels like days have passed since my horrible date. “Ready?” Matt asks from the aisle.

‘I’ll Always Be Here’ by Bonam-Young Hannah Ale! Publishing House

I nod and follow him in silence. We get into his car, and I silently beg him to turn on the radio. But he doesn’t. The ride to my apartment is an almost painful silence. I shift uncomfortably in my seat. “Talk to me,” he says, turning off the engine. “About what?” I ask. Matt shakes his head. “About what’s going on here.” He taps my temple. “Did you panic?”

The obvious answer came immediately

Did I panic? Is he serious? “Uh… yes!” I snap. “But we just… you just… And I…”

“Do you regret it?” he interjects. I consider the question, but the obvious answer comes to me immediately. It felt good. So good. “No.”

– Okay, so you don’t regret it. – He smiles gently. – And did you like it?

“Yes.” I burst out laughing, because I thought it was so obvious, since I screamed his name earlier and smeared his beard. “Me too.” He nods. “So what’s wrong?”

I groan loudly. “I don’t know… I guess I’m just still worried that this will ruin our friendship.”

“I think we can avoid this, but we’ll have to talk.” He raises an eyebrow. “And not lock ourselves away in panic.”

“You’re right,” I mumble. “I guess I’m also feeling a little insecure.”

He sits up, straightening up a little, frowning, the corners of his full mouth tugging with concern. “I don’t want to…” I take a deep breath. “I don’t want to feel like you’re doing me a favor. Like I have to choose between fixing the bus or giving you a ride home. Otherwise, I’ll feel miserable.”

Matt’s lips tremble with suppressed laughter. “Matt…” I groan. “No, I can hear you.” He bursts into laughter. “If you want to repay me, I guess I can handle it,” he says, biting his lip. “If I have to.”

– I hate you.

“You said something different half an hour ago,” he mumbles. I poke him in the chest with the back of my hand. He takes it and intertwines our fingers. My pulse quickens. “Listen, Lane.” He kisses my ankles and turns to face me. “I know you’re not looking for anything more. But… there’s something you should know. I’ve been waiting for this chance for a long time. If that’s all you can give me right now, I’ll be fine with that.

“That’s what I find so complicated.” I glance at him, feeling the emotions swirling between us. The thought that he wants me is comforting, but it also terrifies me. I’d like to think that he only did this at my request. “Yes, it’s possible. But let me worry about that.” He smiles.

– I don’t know. I’m not sure if it’s right for me. I mean… If your emotions are involved…

He sighs. “Okay, right. Just let me know.”

“No!” I stare at the ceiling and yank my hand out of his grip to run my hand through my hair. “Stop it. Stop being so understanding and nice. It makes me feel selfish.”

“What’s wrong with that?” Matt asks with an uncertain laugh.

– In being selfish? – I’m surprised. – In not caring about my friend’s feelings?

– It’s obvious you care. You’re more worried about this than I am.

– Yes but…

“Try to be a little more selfish. Just a little. Just with me.” He grabs me by the scruff of the neck and pulls me across the gearshift toward him. “I want you to be like that.” His voice drops dangerously low.

“Why?” I ask softly, but to be completely honest, I don’t really care. His grip on my neck erases my common sense.

“Because that’s what I want,” he replies, as if it were that simple.

“Okay.” I nod, my nose brushing his cheek. “Fine.” I nuzzle his face.

“Can I come upstairs with you?” he asks quietly, tilting his head.

My smile presses against his lips. “Yes.”

I kiss him briefly, softly. “I like kissing you,” I say, and repeat it.

“Me too,” he replies, his lips brushing lightly over mine. Then he trails kisses from my jawline to my neck. My eyes roll back into my skull and I quickly realize I need to be certain before the pleasure overwhelms my common sense.

– Are you sure? Are you absolutely sure this is what you want, no strings attached? – I just need that one reassurance and then I think I’ll feel better.

“Hmm…” he murmurs against my throat. “No, actually…”

“He bites my skin until I let out a cry.

“I don’t think I want this at all.” He grabs my hand and puts it on his lap… to show me how much he wants me.

“Oh.” My hand involuntarily twitches with excitement. “Let’s get to it.” I kiss him, grazing his upper lip with my tongue.

“Mmm. I’d appreciate that.” He kisses me back, our lips meeting, moving closer, moving further away. It’s never been my favorite part of sex, but kissing Matt feels like real foreplay. A taste of things to come, a reflection of the future movements his body will make around me. I listen intently for every sound, cry, and moan, as if he’s trying to perfect a new art.