I watched a movie about sharks in the Seine. There’s a lot of dead bodies, but this ending is jaw-dropping [RECENZJA]

The French can do a few things. In addition to excellent baked goods and wine, they also have good movies. They always have flawless, fantastic photos, the French language is pleasant to the ear, they use their own actors whom we rarely see in international productions. And they often have great ideas too. And then they create “Sharks in the Seine”, which we already know has no chance of being good. Let that sink in: sharks. In the Seine. And yes, everyone is watching it now. And you should too, because it is an outstanding production. Bad but outstanding.

Netflix has a new French hit. It’s “Sharks in the Seine”

Sharks in the Seine is just one hour and forty minutes of blood, guts, the dirty Seine, beautiful Paris from a bird’s eye view and from the river level, and many sharks. The advantage of the Seine is that it is extremely murky and somewhat disgusting water, which is why the giant shark attacks suddenly and out of nowhere. The classic film about these beautiful fish gains an additional horror value.

But let’s start with the plot, because there has to be one. Suddenly, a large predator appears in the Seine. In a few days, triathlon participants are to cross the water, which means only one thing – the dirty plate will be filled to the brim with food. Only a scientist who knows this particular art from research in the ocean can stop an aggressive fish.

In the first 30 minutes of the film, the question “how is this possible” is asked several times and this is actually the quintessence of this entire wonderful production. Unfortunately, the film would probably have gained more if the actors had not pretended that everything was serious and showed that they had aspirations for the Palme d’Or in Cannes. It turned out to be a bit too stiff, but the whole thing was done so phenomenally and with such a twist in the plot at the very end that almost two hours of the film pass like clockwork. The water turns red many times, sharks grow fat in their eyes from eating people, limbs are bitten off, and the corpses are thick. Nothing else is really needed in a shark movie, although there should be at least a slight hint of plot. In some films, giant sharks are created in laboratories, in others they are the result of radiation. Here it was decided that the saltwater shark would adapt to freshwater under the influence of rapid climate changes.

‘Sharks in the Seine’ Sofie Gheysens/Netflix / Sofie Gheysens/Netflix

Oh my shark, breed

The idiotic idea received a very effective execution. As is often the case with movies about killer sharks, the biggest problems are on land. “Sharks in the Seine” shows that in France there is also an increasingly heated discussion about climate activism. Here, in the Paris of the film, several parties clash – rational scientists, impulsive young animal rights activists, city authorities and those who do the dirty work, i.e. the river police. Their interests are opposing, but when an activist element is added to the classic “authorities vs. scientists” mix, it is clear who is most opposed to everyone else. “Sharks in the Seine” seems to say: look, today they are throwing soup on the Mona Lisa, but tomorrow they will defend the right of a shark to feed on people in the river. Fortunately, this thread finds its solution halfway through the film (and in a way that leaves no doubt as to which side the creators of the production are on). Thanks to this, the next part can focus on the eternal triangle “authorities – services – scientists”. The authorities are obviously the worst here, and when the mayor says “It’s Paris, MY Paris” you can only associate it with “Dune” and Baron Harkonnen saying “My desert, my Dune”. The effect is similar.

‘Sharks in the Seine’ Sofie Gheysens/Netflix / Sofie Gheysens/Netflix

“Sharks in the Seine” is also perfectly timed to premiere on Netflix, because the Olympic Games in Paris are starting soon. The swimming marathon along the Seine is one of the elements that the city and French authorities really promised – special reservoirs were even built to clean the river for the participants. In the film, the creators say “I’m checking!” a situation in which swimmers and residents are suddenly in mortal danger. Will the mayor put people’s lives before contracts and fame? The answer is obvious, and thanks to it, at the very end of the film, we have some truly exceptionally creative scenes that are more associated with disaster movies than with man-eating sharks.

Do I recommend it? Oh, how else. It’s great entertainment and has the advantage that you won’t lose anything if you watch it at a slight speed. Well, sharks will swim and kill faster, and people in the water will kick more efficiently before death – these are the only advantages of this type of films. Of course, these are not “Jaws”, and there is no “Meg” slack here, but it is a very well-made shark production with a fantastic ending. And 10 points for whoever notices that it’s a wink at the fans of “Seksmisja”.