She’s 53, he’s 35. “When a guy is older, no one will blink an eye. They ask me: What will you do if he wants children?”

I am 53 years old, I will be 54 in July. I divorced my husband over 13 years ago. We had no children. And I’m not writing to complain, because currently I am very fulfilled, happy and, as they say, in a very good place in my life. I just want to draw attention to one issue that is still controversial. And in my opinion she shouldn’t.

I have been in a very happy relationship for 2 years, my partner’s name is Paweł and he is 35 years old. He’s a lot younger than me, I know, but let’s face it, in the case of two people who are not just on the threshold of adulthood and have already had some life experiences, the difference is not so noticeable. At least neither Paul nor I ever felt it. At first I was a bit skeptical, I even told him to find a younger one. Maybe he will want to have children? Paweł was stubborn, he fell madly in love with me. He tried very hard for me, and I must admit, he also impressed me very much.

And so we will soon be celebrating 2 years together. For our anniversary, we want to take a few-day trip to a European city, preferably by the sea, maybe Barcelona. I said this recently at a social gathering with my ex-husband and our old friends with whom I am still in contact. Already then, comments like ‘but surely I won’t feel like I’m traveling with my son’ and ‘won’t I be ashamed to be on the beach with him when there are young, shapely girls around’?

I was speechless. First of all, it’s terribly rude to say something like that, secondly, I wouldn’t even think about it.

“I’ve heard sentences like this many times: “Guys prefer younger women.”

I have heard such statements many times in my life, mainly from men: that a relationship with a woman who is 10, 15 or 20 years younger is normal, and that “guys prefer younger women.” When a 50-year-old dates a 30-year-old, no one will even blink. His friends congratulate him, he walks as proud as a peacock, his friends just look at him and her scowling (which I don’t support). Generally, society is more “permissive” to a relationship between an older man and a younger partner, and not the other way around – these are my feelings, I may be wrong, but I’m speaking from my perspective. An example is a friend of mine from college who divorced his wife some time ago and married a 28-year-old. The new wife goes with his friends on all his trips and it’s great.

I will add that I have absolutely no problem with this!!! But why is it that I, as a mature woman, can no longer be with a younger man? Why do I get criticized for being “old” (which is complete nonsense, I’m in great shape, athletic, etc.)?

Why am I the one who hears: ‘What will you do if he wants children?’, ‘What will you do if it turns out that you are his mother’s age?’, ‘His parents don’t mind?’ No, no they have for God’s sake, and even if they did, he is an adult after all!! Really, Paweł and I feel this attitude of people at every step

I try not to worry about it, and I usually do a good job of it, but sometimes I get fed up. And I’m angry at these double standards and hypocrisy. How to relate to this?

Anna.

The expert replies: “Stability and satisfaction in a relationship do not depend on the age difference”

The reader’s message was commented by psychologist, psychotherapist and sexologist Jagoda Bzowy. The expert is also the author of the book “How to Avoid Toxic Men”.

Psychological research suggests that stability and satisfaction in a relationship do not depend on age differences, but on common compatibility, mutual support and communication. It is also worth emphasizing that age is only one of many features that define our identity and personality. If you and your partner have no problem with the age difference, you feel good together and are happy, it is only up to you whether he will answer questions from those around him

– says the specialist.

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