Chajzer remembers his son’s death. “I dreamed about him every night.” He did this in the most difficult moments

In July 2015, the world suddenly stopped. His beloved son Maksymilian, the result of his marriage to Julia, died in a tragic accident. He was only 9 years old at the time. – I have never had more of my man in the world – said the journalist in the latest interview for , in which he recalled these events, telling, among other things: about mourning and the unequal fight against depression.

After his son’s death, he became depressed. Chajzer remembers what he did in the most difficult moments

Although almost a decade has passed since Maksymilian, Chajzer does not hide the fact that he still has not come to terms with his loss. However, he claims that “death is not a clear end” because he constantly feels his presence. At first, however, he was so lost in despair that he did not notice it at all. – You sit closed in the dark, you don’t speak, you don’t answer the phone, you don’t call back. You mess up a million things along the way. You can’t find a way out of this trap. This condition is indescribable, it has a dark, metallic taste. Bad, not good – he talked about the beginnings in “Viva”.

However, before he sought help from specialists, he tried to deal with the pain on his own. He knows now that it wasn’t a wise decision, but at the time he was paralyzed with shame. – I was in a terrible condition, but at that time I didn’t want help from a psychologist. I was ashamed of being so weak, he recalled. His only escape was sleep, because it was during this time that he could “see” his son again. – I dreamed about Max almost every night. I woke up and wrote down our conversations – he revealed, arguing that this is what helped him survive the most difficult moments.

Therapy helped Chajzer put his life back together. This is what his book will be about

Although he was under the illusion that with each passing day it would be easier for him to find his way in the new reality, it did not happen at all, and he sank deeper and deeper into despair and mourning. – I tried to look for answers on my own. The death of a child cannot be rationally explained. It’s impossible to explain at all, he said, not hiding his emotion. Finally, he decided to go to therapy, hoping that it would help him put his life back together. However, he did not expect that it would be another difficult experience and that all wounds would have to be reopened. Today, however, he knows that it was thanks to him that he finally got back on his feet, and although the hole in his heart remains and depression still haunts him, he has learned how to deal with it.

In 2024, Maksymilian would celebrate his 18th birthday and would probably be preparing for his high school final exams. Chajzer is trying not to think about it for now, and he has yet to discuss this topic in therapy. – I went through hundreds of things during therapy, in my head and in this dark room with the blinds drawn. I haven’t gotten around to it yet. If I did that, I would fall apart for a year – he stated bluntly, adding that just thinking about it brings tears to his eyes. He also talked about his painful experiences and the failed suicide attempt, to which he openly admitted, in the book “Ambiguously Positive”, which will be released on bookstore shelves on May 15, 2024.

If you are experiencing difficulties and are thinking about taking your own life or want to help someone at risk of suicide, remember that you can use the free help numbers:

• Support Center for Adults in Mental Crisis: 800-70-2222
• Helpline for Children and Youth: 116 111
• Emotional support phone number for adults: 116 123

Below you will find more information on how to help yourself or others, as well as contacts to organizations helping people in crisis and their loved ones. If suicidal thoughts or a suicide attempt are life-threatening, for immediate crisis intervention, call the police on 112 or go to the emergency department of your local psychiatric hospital.