“I hate that I’m so sensitive!” My client, in his early twenties, was sitting across from me and this statement summed up his anger. It was one of the first hot spring days in London and the room suddenly fell silent. The young man had been undergoing treatment for some time for recurrent depression in the psychiatric clinic where I worked as a psychotherapist at the time. During the therapy, we constantly indirectly discussed the topic of sensitivity. However, this was the first moment when he openly described himself as a sensitive person and clearly revealed how much he hated himself precisely because of his condition. For him, it was a painful, but important point in his own struggle with high sensitivity, which he had suffered from since childhood. For me, it was a breakthrough moment in my professional career, because this man was very he clearly named what I encountered all the time in my work as a psychotherapist, and what I had not been able to identify or define – until now: a highly sensitive man.
They were accompanied by shame or low self-esteem
Clients came to me for therapy for a variety of reasons, including depression, anxiety disorders, and relationship problems. However, they had a certain characteristic feature: they were extremely sensitive and therefore perceived their inner and outer world very deeply and subtly. After some time, it struck me that therapeutic work with this group of people often brings a lot of joy and precisely because their way of perceiving the world and struggling with it is so different. However, I increasingly realized that men, not women, were the ones who had more difficulty describing their sensitivity and often expressed a desire to be less sensitive in therapy. I have seen many times that the discrepancy between what a sensitive man actually is and what he thinks he should be leads to great mental suffering among my clients. Due to their sensitive nature, they were often accompanied by shame or low self-esteem from childhood; they perceived sensitivity as “unmasculine”, “feminine” or “unattractive”.
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They think that being sensitive and being masculine are mutually exclusive
Some people have tried for a long time to deny their own sensitivity or hide it from others – usually without success. There seems to be a deeply ingrained belief that being sensitive and being masculine are mutually exclusive. During therapeutic meetings, I constantly hear men expressing their desire to be tougher, more resistant physically and spiritually, and to learn more extroverted behavior. As a rule, they hope for a more masculine well-being, for success and perseverance in professional work, and for the power to attract potential partners. Sometimes these men also hope to reduce conflicts in their relationships with their father or with other men. So, in essence, it seems to be about a desire to better fit the image of a “typical man.”
At that time, I had not yet heard about the concept of high sensitivity as an innate temperament property and I did not know anything about the extensive research results of psychologist Dr. Elaine N. Aron and her colleagues on the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). Elaine N. Aron already since the early 1990s, she has been researching this topic, taking up the concept of “innate sensitivity” of some people, which was described in 1913 by the Swiss psychiatrist and creator of depth psychology, Carl Gustav Jung. […]
He was angry for a long time. Finally he couldn’t stand it. ‘I hate that I’m sensitive’ Tero Vesalainen//shutterstock
This is crucial
I think that authentic and natural handling of one’s own sensitivity is crucial not only for the man himself, but also for our entire society. If a highly sensitive man manages to achieve balance in the experience of his temperament, if he uses his predispositions positively and offensively, and is not ashamed of them, hides them or feels undervalued because of them, his relationship with himself will change profoundly. However, relationships and interactions with other people, whether family, friends or colleagues, will also change, which may have far-reaching consequences. As a result, society’s understanding of who a man is may also change – it may become less rigorous and narrow, and more free and diverse. A more realistic and authentic image of a man could be the result of this change that has already begun, so that being masculine and being sensitive at the same time would no longer have to be mutually exclusive in human thinking. In my opinion, this process can be supported, accelerated and even led by highly sensitive men, but only if they accept their own high sensitivity and see that it is important for society as a whole and for the evolution of a man and his identity.
Source: Gazeta
Bruce is a talented author and journalist with a passion for entertainment . He currently works as a writer at the 247 News Agency, where he has established himself as a respected voice in the industry.
