Anita, my client, who loves to conquer and has a tendency to make to-do lists, and is also a fan of life-saving tricks, began to experience panic attacks during which she felt like she was dying or “going completely crazy” – and this feeling Everyone who has ever had a panic attack knows this well. She immediately took action: she started browsing blogs about anxiety, tried conscious breathing and grounding exercises, and other methods of dealing with fear, supported by scientific theories. But no matter what she tried, the panic attacks wouldn’t go away.
When she came to therapy, I was impressed by how bravely she threw herself into searching for methods that would help her overcome panic. Having experienced several of these attacks myself, I know how terrifying they can be and that when they started, all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and beg for someone or something to take the pain away.
Anita did all the right things; she just didn’t stick with it long enough – she tried one method and when she decided it “didn’t work” she moved on to the next one. I say this without judgment, because when you first try to learn these skills, the symptoms tend to get worse as you focus on sensations that you are usually desperately trying to ignore. The alarm bells are ringing even louder. It feels like your brain is screaming at you that you’re trying to put out an oil fire with water and you have to stop immediately or your whole house (metaphorically speaking) will burn to the ground. And that’s not true. As long as what you’re dealing with is actually anxiety, these exercises really do provide at least a partial solution. However, as I explained to Anita, they need to be done with as much zeal as if our lives depended on it – until they become habitual behaviors. Then you can use them freely whenever you need to relieve your anxiety.
At first, it was a big challenge for Anita. Remembering to do the breathing exercises took effort, and she didn’t immediately notice significant improvement, i.e., there was no reward that would push her further towards creating a new habit. Nevertheless, Anita persevered. Not only did she put these exercises on her to-do list, but she also set notifications on her phone as an incentive to exercise five times a day. And finally, one day, as she repeated them again, the panic suddenly subsided. The wave of relief (internal reward) that then washed over her prompted Anita to exercise even more intensely, until relaxation began to occur almost immediately as she slowed her breathing. It took time and practice for the internal reward – this feeling of relaxation – to appear and be paired with the activity being performed, but once it did, in each subsequent situation the relaxation became stronger and faster, and the habit became established. This is what I meant when I said that motivation usually comes from action, not the other way around.
Always eager to increase the effectiveness of her activities, Anita told me a month later how she had used what she had learned in a completely different field. She was self-employed and was constantly late in invoicing her clients. She realized that no matter how many reminders she set, she sometimes ignored them. Invoicing has never been a thing for her. “Why?” she asked me. “After all, financial gratification is a good motivation to create a habit.”
The time that elapses from issuing the invoice to its payment by the client (often even a month passed before Anita received the money) meant that my patient never clearly associated the reward with the action taken. The brain saw no clear, immediate benefit; issuing invoices seemed like a tedious routine that she only did when her account balance was extremely low.
We determined that to change this behavior, Anita didn’t have to turn invoicing into a habit, but arrange a weekly phone chat with a friend who also hates invoicing; However, they could only connect if they first completed the most boring task – which for both meant issuing invoices. Over time, issuing invoices before chats became their ritual. This helped Sam solve the billing problem. She created what Charles Duhigg, author of the book “The Power of Habit”, calls a “key habit”, i.e. a habit that becomes the driving force of change and indirectly influences other behaviors. Key habits may be: practicing honesty, because it triggers a domino effect in all your relationships; creating a detailed daily plan after waking up, because it allows you to organize your thoughts and priorities for the next twenty-four hours; regular meditation, because it generally affects your well-being and immunity, and so on.
What is the essence of creating habits? If the task seems doable and provides a fairly attractive reward that is available shortly after the activity, you will probably be able to turn the disliked activity into a habit… all in due time, of course. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but it usually takes anywhere from two and a half weeks to nine months to form a habit. As I mentioned, how quickly you develop a new habit depends on many factors, including the complexity of the task, how often you do it, and the caliber of reward you receive when you succeed. We know that some things – such as issuing invoices – are simply boring, but sometimes we have to get down to business.
Renewal – cover promotional materials – Wielka Litera
Source: Gazeta
Bruce is a talented author and journalist with a passion for entertainment . He currently works as a writer at the 247 News Agency, where he has established himself as a respected voice in the industry.
