“Will you marry me?” – some people believe that these words should only be said on that day. Once every 4 years

A proposal is a special moment when a loved one asks his chosen one to marry him and gives her an engagement ring. In an ideal scenario, the but happy woman says “yes” in pearly tears and the couple eagerly starts preparing for the big wedding. But the scenarios may be different, e.g. not necessarily traditional. Who said that proposals are only the responsibility of men? More and more often we hear about situations in which women ask their partners for a hand. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Female proposals gained fame in the early 2000s thanks to the series “Sex and the City”. One of Miranda Hobbes’ heroines proposed to the love of her life, Steve Brady. Not only her, because the series’ Charlotte York suggested engagement to her husband, Trey. These are fictional examples, but there are plenty of them in the real world. As we read, for example, in Vogue.pl, the famous film director Taika Waititi confessed in one of the interviews that it was his beloved – singer Rita Ora – who took the initiative to get married.

Do you want to propose to your beloved? You can do this once every 4 years

The media is increasingly interested in proposing to women. On the Internet you can find many interviews with women who took the “engagement initiative” in their relationships and do not regret it at all. Nevertheless, women still prefer to be asked to marry each other, as evidenced by research conducted in 2019 by the wedding platform “The Knot”. According to the survey, only 3 percent of women in relationships proposed to their partners.

The trend of women proposing is gaining more and more popularity in Poland, as evidenced by the above-mentioned articles, whose heroines talk about, for example, how they prepared for the engagement and what motivated them.

Times have changed, women can decide about themselves as much as men, but cultural patterns remain and many people think that a woman proposing to a man is something incredibly strange. This is because cultural patterns change much slower than social circumstances

– said Dr. Alicja Urbanik from the Department of the History of Education and Cultural Anthropology of the Institute of the History of Science of the Polish Academy of Sciences in a conversation with journalist Ismena Dąbrowska. A report on women proposing marriage was published in 2023.

Proposal to women was popular in the Middle Ages

The topic is actually not new at all. And this is putting it mildly – women proposed to their partners already in the early Middle Ages. To this day, the language originating from Ireland is still alive in Anglo-Saxon countries the legend of Saint Bridget of Kildare, thanks to which women could initiate engagements on the last day of February, which fell in a leap year – i.e. every 4 years.

So let’s go back to the 5th century. Saint Bridget of Kildare allegedly noticed that local men were shy – they did not want to marry, which is why the number of single women was increasing. So she suggested St. Patrick so that, as a balancing act, women can also propose to men – and not the other way around. The day on which engagement traditions ceased to apply was the last day of February in a leap year.

Officially Saint Patrick announced in 1288 that on February 29, Irish women could kneel and ask for the hand of their chosen ones. With the “new” tradition of Leap Day, women were to receive another privilege. If a man rejects their proposal on this day, he will have to make it up to them by giving them a gift of a silk dress or gloves. Later, the date every 4 years was called “Women’s Day” or “Women’s Privilege”. Moreover, this day is still culturally sanctioned in Ireland.

What was it like in the Middle Ages? On February 29, a woman could approach the man of her choice, kneel before him and ask if he would marry her. The sign that the man had consented had to be a passionate kiss.

Saint Brigid of Kildare. Curriculum vitae

It is worth mentioning that on February 1, 2024, the 1500th anniversary of the death of Saint was celebrated in Ireland. Bridget of Kildare (also called Saint Bridget of Ireland). This day is also known in Ireland as Creative Women’s Day, which will be an Irish public holiday from 2022.

Saint Bridget of Kildare was born between 452 and 456 in Ireland. Since childhood, she wanted to devote her life to faith. She founded the first Irish monastery in Kildare, west of Dublin. Saint Brygida spent her life traveling, helping suffering and poor people. She traveled the length and breadth of Ireland and died on February 1, 524 in Kildare. Her ashes are in the cathedral there, while some of the saint’s remains – most likely the head relics – were sent to the chapel of the church. Saint John the Baptist in Lumiar, Portugal.

Cult of Saint Brigid quickly reached the rest of the islands from Ireland, then to Scandinavia, and already in the Middle Ages – also to Poland. It should be emphasized that St. Bridget with Saint Patrick and St. Columbus the Elder are considered the patron saint of Ireland.