Therapists warn, although it begins like a fairy tale. In a collusive relationship, “a lot of things don’t work”

we associate it with love, trust, joy, satisfaction, and a sense of security. However, positive emotions do not always prevail. When a relationship is far from healthy, problems arise. However, it sometimes happens that even serious problems do not convince people to end the relationship, and both people remain in a toxic relationship for years. Psychologists then talk about collusion – being trapped, stuck, often unconscious, resulting from various motivations and causes.

What is a collusion relationship? Psychotherapists warn against it

The concept of collusion was first proposed by Swiss psychiatrist and psychotherapist Dr. Jurg Willi. With collusion he explained and interpreted the causes of conflicts in relationships, but also in families. A collusive relationship usually begins with a feeling of almost perfect fit. To such an extent that both parties not only feel the same positive emotions, but also have similar and unresolved internal conflicts. However, after perfect understanding, the first problems come.

– Often this sense of understanding is a signal that we have similar wounds in our hearts, we have similar emotional deficits. And what initially attracts us to each other, over time becomes a source of problems and pain that we never wanted to experience – explained Katarzyna Miller in an interview. A cycle of constant conflicts and reconciliations begins, which becomes more and more difficult to break out of over time.

A relationship that thrives on negative emotions. “But there’s a lot of fear, uncertainty and dependence”

What’s worse, at first glance the pair fit each other perfectly. – However, in such a relationship there is often no love and acceptance, many things do not work, but there is a lot of fear, uncertainty, dependence – emphasized Dr. Daniel Cysarz in the interview. A relationship lasts years, and it often turns out that problems with deficits or unworked problems concern both of us. partners. – In couples psychotherapy, it is said with a pinch of salt that partners are usually matched on a similar level of psychopathology. It is rare for a person with large deficits to enter into a relationship with someone who does not have these deficits, he added.

The belief that only in such a relationship and only with this person will our needs be met may turn out to be wrong. As a result, problems, conflicts and frustrations increase, but also dependence on other people. Then what? Therapy seems to be the best choice. A crisis in a relationship does not have to mean its end.