However, the couple decided to work through this stage. As they said, on Valentine’s Day 2013, they went on their first date since Matt’s affair came to light. – It was awkward, but it was part of the healing process – the 41-year-old told the portal. – You can’t expect everything to go back to the way it was before. And I didn’t want it to come back, and neither did she, he argued.
Her husband’s affair was supposed to “strengthen” their relationship. “We are deeply wounded people”
Years later, Charity claims that their relationship not only survived her husband’s betrayal, but also strengthened it. She stated that this happened, among others, because she also “started working on herself”. They both benefited from psychotherapeutic support. – I realized that he is not my enemy – she said. – We are both just people, deeply wounded. And this is where the healing of these wounds had to begin, she added. Today she helps couples with problems.
She went on to say that all romances “do not begin in a vacuum.” – When you heal yourself and your marriage, 10,000 women will be able to pass by your husband and he will not blink an eye because he is not looking for escape – she explains. Telling her own story, she admitted that when their marriage was going through a crisis, their loved ones did not help at all. They urged the couple to divorce and for each of them to “move on.” Charity said family members “felt more hurt and betrayed” than she did.
People hate to see you so broken and broken
– she said.
Did your husband’s affair “save” their marriage? “
There comes a moment when you cross the border”
Within five years, they had four children. They both worked. “We were in survival mode,” the woman said. Things went relatively well for the next eight years. Matt then got his dream and very well-paid job. But – as he emphasized – “it was also the greatest stress I have ever experienced in my life.” He was the manager of a music band, which meant being on standby 24 hours a day with midnight text messages from his boss. He also spent a lot of time away from home. His family, however, lacked nothing.
“He kept telling me, ‘I have to get out of here,’ but I didn’t listen,” Charity recalled. – Home was no longer a safe place for him because he couldn’t deal with it or talk about it – she added. Matt, in turn, talked about the moment when the contact he established with another woman began to go far beyond mere acquaintance.
There comes a moment when you cross the line and you start to rationalize it (…) But when you cross that sexual line, you think you’ve screwed it up. You are no longer a good husband and you are leaving
– he revealed. The couple decided to break up for six months to work through their problems separately. Then they went to couples therapy. As they claim, the most important moment was when they opened up to each other and started answering the questions: “Why?”
– You want life to be perfect. But life is life and people are just people, notes Charity. Over the past 10 years, the topic of Matt’s affair has faded into the background. The spouses have been together for 20 years and their love is flourishing again.
Expert: “The trauma of infidelity forces you to look at the problems”
Dr. Talal H. Alsaleem, author of the book “Infidelity: The Best Worst Thing That Could Happen to Your Marriage” and founder of the Infidelity Counseling Center, spoke in an interview with People.com. The expert claims that infidelity of this type usually has most to do with what is happening in the relationship of the cheating person, and less often with the lover directly. It indicates three main factors: personality disorders resulting from past trauma or addiction, circumstantial factors – such as high stress at work and whether the people in question are simply happy with each other.
Betrayal – he explains – is “like a heart attack”. – The trauma of infidelity forces a couple to examine the issues that led them to this point. They either solve these problems in a healthy and effective way, or they realize that this is a relationship they should have ended a long time ago, explains the therapist. The specialist emphasizes that such a couple must devote time to working through, analyzing and assessing the damage that has occurred in their relationship – in order to decide whether they can continue to be together.
Source: Gazeta
Bruce is a talented author and journalist with a passion for entertainment . He currently works as a writer at the 247 News Agency, where he has established himself as a respected voice in the industry.
