“I left my mother on the street and went with Kalina” [FRAGMENT KSI¡¯KI]

Did your mother know where you disappeared for days?

Not for a long time. I didn’t go there every day. And I didn’t start spending the night with the Dygats right away.

How did she find out?

She often looked for me. The kids were playing in the yard and I wasn’t there. And she asked where I was disappearing. I truthfully explained that I was going to my aunt and uncle. And to the dogs. I told them where they lived, but she banned me from visiting anyway.

Some time later we met Kalina, who was on a walk with the dogs. I broke away from my mother and flew to my aunt and the dogs. Then Kalina met my mother. She asked why I don’t come anymore. I told the truth that my mother forbade me. To which Kalina began to assure that they liked me very much. My mother insisted that a child should not disappear anywhere. I remember that Kalina asked if someone had told her that there were always parties at the Dygats. Mom denied it, they talked for a while. Then Kalina extended her hand, introduced herself, my mother too. And her name was Hedwig. “Mrs. Jadzia, are you from the village?” Kalina asked then. Mom confirmed. Kalina says that she also comes from the countryside. Because at that time Gnaszyn was a village, only later it became a district of Częstochowa. My mother was carrying my sister, Bożena, who was maybe a year old at the time. Kalina assured me that she should not worry about anything, take care of Bożena, and they would take care of me, and if necessary, they would take me home and take care of everything.

Then I left my mother on the street and went with Kalina. Then she asked my mother if we had a telephone at home. So that they can communicate with each other. We didn’t, but in a few days it was. Jędrusik arranged it. Someone somewhere wrote that my mother cleaned at the Dygats. That is not true. Just like the fact that I was Kalina’s full-time babysitter. Both me and my mother had jobs unrelated to the Dygats.

But my mother must have known who Kalina Jędrusik was.

I don’t know if she knew then. She worked hard in a bakery, then took care of her two daughters and her husband. Everyday the same. Like in a spinning wheel. So I don’t know if she knew the Old Gentlemen’s Cabaret and Kalina Jędrusik. The Old Gentlemen’s Cabaret was hardly a working-class entertainment for people like my mother. However, she certainly knew and idolized Halina Kunicka.

What was their relationship like? She wasn’t jealous of Kalina?

Their relationship was good, I don’t remember jealousy. She called Kalina my second mom. She often asked after her death if I had been to the cemetery to light the second mother’s candle. I remember that she called her Mrs. Kalina, and Kalina called my mother “Jadwigo”. They were not friends, they came from two different worlds: working class and intelligentsia. Mom was embarrassed about Kalina, but Kalina shortened the distance. She could get along with everyone. They did not visit each other’s homes. My mother has never been to the Dygats’ apartment in Mokotów, and to the house in Żoliborz only after Kalina’s death.

Kalina liked my mum’s pate, poppy seed cake and cheesecake very much. Because she couldn’t bake cakes. She was at my sister’s wedding. Mom and Kalina talked to each other quite often. And then there were times when they caught me in a lie. For example, I told my mother that I was going to spend the night at Kalina’s. Kalina that to my mother, and I was going to a party. And on that very day, one had to call the other.

What was it then?

protect.

from which?

Bigger than Kalina.

Was she trying to play the role of mother?

Sometimes yes. I’ve gotten good beatings from her a couple of times. I even snapped back that she was not my mother and had no right to raise me or beat me. She didn’t mind it at all. “I will!” she exclaimed. “Jadźka didn’t beat you, I have to! For something to get through, since you’re such a grandziara.”

Aleksandra Wierzbicka and Kalina Jędrusik promotional materials Prószyński i S-ka

What does grandziara mean?

In Kalina’s opinion, the girl is defiant and sassy. party girl. More than once I got a hand or a rag from her. When I lied or didn’t do something. She was explosive, especially when I tried to spin and manipulate. Kalina could not be manipulated. It was easier to shoot my own mother. Once – we already lived in Żoliborz – she felt very bad, we argued about something and she threw a pot into my hand. I thought she broke it. And then I got offended, but she thought I should apologize to her. Then I said I was leaving. “You’re welcome,” replied Kalina. I got dressed and left. I got to Krakowskie Przedmieście by bus, all the way I was thinking what would happen if she had an asthma attack and I wasn’t with her. So I came back. Kalina was still offended and asked if I forgot something. I explained why I came back, and only then did she apologize to me. This row was witnessed by Kalina’s friend, Maciek Maniewski, a film journalist. He told me later that Kalina was afraid that I wouldn’t come back. I was afraid for her, she for me.

Were you used to each other?

Kalina wouldn’t let me get off her radar. I met a man in the eighties. It was in London, where I went to earn extra money. This time the butterflies in my stomach were much stronger. I said I fell in love and I’m not coming back. And I know from friends that Kalina walked on the walls. Stas was no longer there. She wanted to send people to bring me to Poland. She was afraid that I would leave her alone.

Pretty selfish and possessive. She was afraid for herself, regardless of your happiness.

What united me and Kalina was that we fell in love quickly, and passed even faster. She knew that this time I would pass. She was just afraid it would take a long time.

And you don’t blame her? You didn’t start a family. Maybe by Kalina?

And where there! If I wanted to, I would get married. I had no interest in getting married or having children. Kalina kept saying it was an Aquarius trait. She once said that I should kiss her hands, that she raised me, that she made me come to something.

That’s true?

Yes. If not for Kalina, my life would have turned out completely differently. It wasn’t until later that I realized how much she worked on me. I’ve heard a thousand times from her that culture requires you to look at the person you’re talking to. There were a lot of such great precious trinkets. Together with Dygat, they opened a window to the world for me.

What was it like having two mothers?

It was Kalina who was more privy to my affairs. In the mid-seventies, when I was nineteen, I became involved with a married man. I fell in love for the first time then. I brought him to Kalina, not to my mother, who at that time decided that I would marry someone else. She set me up with a boy, even though I barely knew him. If only I could get married sooner. I was in two relationships at the same time. On the day of the wedding arranged by my mother, I was going by taxi to the Registry Office at Racławicka Street. Guests were waiting outside the building, dressed up, with flowers. And instead of getting out, I waved at them through the window and ran. First, I stayed with my friends, then at Kalina’s. Later, she explained to my mother that this is not the Middle Ages, that she cannot choose a husband for her daughter, that you cannot marry a foreign man under duress, that having an affair with a married man is a temporary infatuation that will pass with the wind.

And gone?

Of course. After a few weeks I got bored. A few months later, I met my would-be husband at the bus stop. He argued with his wife, they threatened to divorce each other.

And the lady ran away from her own wedding.

I just didn’t arrive.

Even then, Kalina was very liberal.

She saved me from that unfortunate wedding. We’ve talked about it a hundred times. She asked if I wanted to and told me not to force myself. She blew my mind off this wedding. And she advised men to be treated as adventures. That’s how I treated that married suitor. Even then, she believed that pregnancy does not have to mean marriage, that marriage comes from love, not reason. She did not tolerate the word “coercion”. Especially in the emotional sphere. She said that everything we do, we should want to do.

Kalina Jedrusik. A Daughter’s Tale by Choice – cover promotional materials Prószyński i S-ka