She had a few-month-old son in her arms, she looked like a movie star. It was an Italian holiday, one of those where families with children go on bicycle trips with kids in caravans during the day, and in the evening they eat pizza, talk and keep an eye on children playing on the playground. At some point, she blurted out that when Julek grows up and is naughty, she will give him a slap in the ass. And that there is no problem talking about it.
Poke, give an “innocent” slap
Someone reacted that it was weak, others were busy feeding children, and still others mumbled something that everyone brings up children as they want. The topic blurred, it was the holidays after all. It was supposed to be beautiful, nice, silk dresses fluttered in the light breeze. The photos of this holiday against the backdrop of olive groves and vineyards are enviable. Probably no one remembers the sentence about spanking anymore, because the holidays are over and everyone has gone their own way. However, it still bothers me that we still give ourselves permission that children can be physically punished. Poke, give an “innocent” slap and nip the topic of insubordination in the bud. And there are so many other possibilities.
What if we asked ourselves, before children come, what kind of parents do we want to be? photo. Jakub Orzechowski / Agencja Wyborcza.pl
No one prepares us to be parents
Once we know that a child will appear in the world, the whole couple goes to reorganize their lives. Baby room, pram, changing table. We buy piles of clothes, toys or strange and equipment that has never been used. It’s all about being a good parent.
But I guess you can’t be a good parent without looking inside yourself. If I were to become a mother again, I wouldn’t pay so much attention to whether the child’s room is ready and whether I know how to change and bathe the toddler. This is what we learn quickly, you can safely trust your intuition. Instead, I would write a few months before the birth, together with the baby’s dad, a few questions and I would look for answers to them in myself.
What would I have thought about before becoming a mother?
1. What will I do if my baby has colic and cries continuously for two hours? How will I control my fatigue during this time and the feeling that I can’t take it anymore? Because you have to endure.
2. Are both me and the father of my child ready for the fact that for some time, we, our passions and needs will not be in the first place?
3. Am I ready for the fact that around the age of two/three, the child will be a bit stubborn in the course of natural development, will answer “no” to everything, and will sometimes scream, spit, struggle, resist? Am I aware that the child with his emotions will be completely dependent on me and it will be my role to defuse all emotions wisely? Both yours and your baby’s.
4. Can I find the child in me and remember what I needed most when I was little? I remember what it was. Knowing that whatever happens, my parents will support me, that they won’t leave me on the so-called. Crying will only help me deal with something I haven’t been able to do on my own.
5. When we become parents, we learn who we really are. And, unfortunately, all our weaknesses are revealed. Am I ready to work on myself to be a good enough mom? Do I know what my greatest weakness is? Lack of patience, explosiveness, argumentativeness, laziness, being a perfectionist, wanting to control everything and everyone too much?
6. What will I do if my child does not do what I want? I will spank and thus show that the stronger can use violence?
What can be given to children on Children’s Day? Time, attention and peace photo. Krzysztof Ćwik / Agencja Wyborcza.pl
7. If my child doesn’t want to put on shoes in the morning and I’m in a hurry to go to work, will I make a fuss, or will I just wait a few minutes and not think that the world is collapsing because we haven’t left the house yet? Do I have decks of patience, and if not, can I work it out?
8. How will I behave when another child on the playground takes my shovel and hits my child on the head with the shovel? Or vice versa. What will I do if my child hits another child in kindergarten? Will I yell at them, jerk with anger, or will I find another way to relieve this tension? Can I handle conflict situations at all?
9. Do I even know what kind of home I want to create for my child? A house where a child is harnessed in a rat race from an early age, enrolled in a trilingual nursery and makes a fuss over fives because only sixes are expected? A house where only work and money count, and children are by the way? A house where children will become a “tool” to implement my plans, desires and unfulfilled childhood plans? Or a house where we will try to make everyone find a safe haven for themselves, even when it turns out that we are not all perfect?
10. Will I know how to control myself so that my children do not witness marital quarrels? Because there will be fights, it’s normal. There is no life in which there is only idyll, but how to control anger so that it does not escalate in a dangerous direction? Every emotion passes, the strongest ones last about 90 seconds. This is the time when you can shout something that you will regret for the rest of your life, it is the time when you can hit a child in a fury of anger, but it is also the time when you can close your eyes, clench your fists and do and say nothing. Absolutely nothing.
“Just come and watch me on the pitch”
Eleven years ago I gave birth to a daughter, eight years ago – a son. I make mistakes in my motherhood, I learn to be a mother every day. I have bad moments, doubts whether she is even suitable to be a mom, but also good moments. Fortunately, there are more good ones than when I feel like I’m failing all the way. I also feel that the good, full, and light moments of our lives aren’t fun because I showered the kids with gifts or bought them tickets to the amusement park. That’s something different.
My son is fascinated by football. Parents of eight-year-olds reading this certainly know what kind of climate it is and what energy it entails. My guess is that they have boys like mine in their homes who wear Kylian Mbappé shirts and enjoy a goal or an assist.
My little Mbappé goes to training. When he’s finished, I’m coming to pick him up because he’s not coming home alone yet. Every day he has training, he asks me to pick him up a few minutes early. He cares a lot about it. This is what he says: “Mom, just come and watch me play. Just watch me on the pitch.” just watch. So stopping, calm, attention and trust do all the work in parenting?
Source: Gazeta
Bruce is a talented author and journalist with a passion for entertainment . He currently works as a writer at the 247 News Agency, where he has established himself as a respected voice in the industry.
