It is written about them that they do not take prisoners, they are independent, mobile, go-getting, and new technologies are the world they have known since the cradle. Meanwhile, Zoomers and their slightly older colleagues, millennials, are experiencing a huge crisis of loneliness today.
Rachel DeAlto, a specialist in interpersonal relations, an expert in the American edition of the “Married at First Sight” program, describes the stories of her clients. Why do people who are active on each of the social networks get lost in personal relationships, unable to make friends or establish good relationships in the workplace? Whether and how this can be remedied
Excerpt from the book “Intimacy” by Rachel DeAlto
Vaughn walked into the cocktail party in a good mood, somewhere between completely satisfied and excited. The boss loved his ideas, it was pay day and he even managed to go to the gym twice this week. He knew this party was a necessary evil and that he needed to show up to show his support for the client, but he didn’t give it much thought. After all, his boss would be there, social as usual, so Vaughn didn’t have much to worry about. Until his phone vibrated in his sports jacket pocket.
“I’m stuck in the office. Your move. Don’t let me down,” his boss texted him. His first real boss. At his first real job. At his first party. For his first client.
Vaughn felt his heart begin to pound, as if he had pressed the wrong button on the stairmaster, and he knew that the party was going to be much more difficult than he thought it would be – just like practicing on that infernal machine. He spotted the client, a former professional American football player known for his no-nonsense approach to life and his ability to spot a scam a mile away. Vaughn straightened his tie, trying to gather his courage, and made his way towards the client through the crowd of people who were clearly in control – far more than he was.
With every step Vaughn took, new drops of sweat broke out on Vaughn’s forehead, even though it was freezing outside. His heart was pounding so loudly that it drowned out both the music and the conversation around him. As he approached the client, he held out his hand to introduce himself. Instead of responding in kind, the customer exclaimed enthusiastically, “I’m glad you came!” to the man standing to Vaughn’s left shoulder and engaged in animated conversation with him.
Red and already sweaty, Vaughn retreated into the bar with a sense of rejection, where he stuck his nose into his iPhone. I can’t do it, he thought as he sat alone. And he didn’t try again. After a while, he snuck out of the party, though he didn’t talk to the client, much to the chagrin of his boss—and himself.
The cover of the book ‘Closeness’. Matt. promotional Literary Publishing House
Vaughn wasn’t always this uncomfortable in social situations. By his own assessment, his condition was deteriorating. In fact, among members of his generation—millennials, generally defined as the generation born between 1981 and 1996—the level of anxiety was increasing.
Humans (including millennials) are programmed to connect. To create social bonds. We have powerful brains – the largest in the animal kingdom compared to our size. According to anthropologists, these giant brains are made for socialization. But over the past fifty years, we have become increasingly individualistic and less sociable despite social media connecting four billion people.
We have become the most unconnected society in history, even though we are most connected thanks to technology.
Technology is great, isn’t it? It allows us to stay in touch with the world without leaving the comfort of our couch. We can order a three-course dinner, watch seven seasons of the show (which should end after two), and look for our prince or princess by swiping the screen with our thumbs – all on our phones.
We don’t even use doorbells anymore, except to record on camera anyone who comes within fifteen meters of our property. Nobody crashes anymore. Today we text, “Where are you?”.
Some of these changes are definitely good for us. Setting boundaries is great. Privacy is a phenomenal gift. If you knock on my door at nine o’clock on Saturday morning, I’m sure I won’t open it for you. I don’t answer all calls either. I believe there are two types of people in the world: those who answer when someone calls, and those who stare at their smartphone screen, unable to believe that someone had the audacity to press the green receiver instead of sending a text. One day, pointless meetings will also end. #NotBetterMail?
But what about our relationships? Will they not suffer in an atmosphere in which we encourage you to do everything remotely, using as few characters as possible? Turns out they’re not very good.
Social contacts arouse fear in people.
70 PERCENT of people between the ages of 18 and 29 experience social phobia – the highest percentage of any age group.
65 PERCENT of Millennials avoid face-to-face conversations because they don’t believe in their social interaction skills.
30 PERCENT of Millennials don’t even go to parties or other events because they’re afraid of feeling uncomfortable.
As if these fears were not enough, we are also terribly lonely, and these two things are related. In fact, we’ve never been as lonely as we are now.
Rachel DeAlto photo. Oksana Pali
A 2019 study by Cigny, which used the UCLA Loneliness Scale, an oft-cited and statistically proven tool to measure loneliness, found that forty-five percent of Millennials and forty-eight percent of Millennials Of feeling lonely. Twenty-two percent of millennials have no friends. Not a single peer with whom you can share life’s joys and sorrows.
One relevant contact per week is not enough. Loneliness is dangerous. An oft-cited 2015 study by researchers at Brigham Young University found that the lack of strong ties carries the same risk of premature death as smoking fifteen cigarettes a day, and twice as high as obesity. Another study, conducted in the UK over a seven-year period and involving almost half a million people, concluded that “social isolation, like depression, can be considered
as a risk factor that worsens the prognosis of people with cardiovascular disease.” So, loneliness really does mean heartache. Yours may be fine for now, but if this trend continues, things will be very worrying.
Where does it come from? Why is all this happening?
An excerpt from the book “Closeness. How to build good relationships in a relationship, at work and with friends” Rachel DeAlto. Trans. Agnieszka Sobolewska. Wydawnictwo Literackie, 2023.
Source: Gazeta
Bruce is a talented author and journalist with a passion for entertainment . He currently works as a writer at the 247 News Agency, where he has established himself as a respected voice in the industry.
